Spiritual Formation: Hidden in God with Christ

“For you died, and your life is now hidden in God with Christ." Col 3:3

This is the 4th of a 4-blog entry "series"
 

Finishing up the garage was hard because so much had to go.  Some of those things were things that I treasured; others were things I did not want to admit were there. But now my car can reside in the garage and in the winter when it rains, I have a shelter to enter before going out into the storm.  Cleaning out the garage of my heart is even harder!  It is a "death" for sure!  But God is increasingly taking up residence in me.

 In His amazing grace, He allowed me to see his vision for that heart-place-residence, and it started with a picture of baptism.  It was really just a sweet place of prayer between myself and the Trinity.  It went like this... As I stood with the Trinity, different versions of me appeared on the scene, my cynical sixteen-year-old self, my newly married twenty-three-year-old self, and my present self.  We were together as six members in a circle joined hand in hand when God motioned for all of us to descend as if the space we were in had become a baptismal.  We went under and back up – and in that simple mental image God spoke something profound.

 “For you died, and your life is now hidden in God with Christ…You have been crucified with Christ and you no longer live, but Christ lives in you. The life you now live in the body you live by faith in the son of God, who loved you and gave himself up for you.” (Col 3:3, Gal 2:20)

So what died?

1.      My demand over the vision I hold for my marriage.

2.      My past commitment to being right and making sure things are correct.

3.      My preoccupation with trying to change the ones I love. I make a terrible holy spirit, by-the-way.

4.      My habitual commitment to hold on to offences.  Frankly, I was collecting them like a sea-rock collects barnacles! It was time to stop ruminating on my anger.

5.    and ...  My compulsive habit of defending myself when criticized or misunderstood.

I’m sure there’s more but that would make this blog way too long.  Suffice it to say that in the letting go, God showed up “and I stood there saved, surprised to be loved.” (2 Sam 22:15)

There is a surprising shelter that comes from being hidden in God with Christ.  It affords integrity and covering in the storm – a storm in which I am compelled to enter as one would set out to drive in the rain, seeking the promise of the sun on the other side.

"I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."  - Psalm 61:4

A Surprise Discovery!

“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart:  test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Ps 139:23-24 (NIV)

This post is in conjunction with the previous posts beginning with "Making Room"

Hey all,  (Remember, we are talking about cleaning out the garage.)  So to continue on in this story,  once we opened up our garage to clean it we  had to determine what could stay and what needed to go.  I was surprised to find a bag of garbage sitting in the corner taking up space.  Would you ever store garbage in your garage?  I know it was never my intention, that's for sure!  It can get very hot in the summer where we live. Heat and garbage do not mix well!  If it is stored in my garage it would stink up the whole house! That's why it had to go!  That's when it dawned on me that I can often store garbage in my heart.  It comes in the form of harbored offences, contempt, or unresolved hurt and pain.  This is the toxic garbage in the heart that begins to stink!   It’s tempting when we sense heart-garbage coming up to brush past it or find some air freshener. However, If left addressed it becomes offensive and repels others away as we speak and act from our toxic heart.  It can and will bring harm to others.  It will do no good to simply rush by the smell or try to cover it up..  The smell (what comes out of us as we speak and act)  is the symptom and the symptom has a source (broken, hurting, toxic heart) and the source has hope!

 You see, when things get heated and I have a strong negative response to a situation, there's a good chance the winds have changed and the garbage in my heart is getting noticed.  What happens when I encounter something offensive? It might surprise me to feel seething anger rising suddenly.  I might catch myself being edgy towards others,  or want to pick up the phone to chat up the "offence" with my friends, family or colleagues.  I may even use pretty words or put a "spiritual" spin to it so I can hide the stink of my own heart.   However, if I resist those protective yet harmful responses and choose to engage my heart instead, something happens.  Something real and legitimate. When I can acknowledge that my heart is hurt or disrupted and I want to soothe it, then I can consider what it really needs.  

That's why it would be good to pause and take note of my response and consider what may be causing it.  Then ask God for his wisdom and truth about the situation and about me.  What are the offensive ways in me that need to be addressed?  What is the hurt that needs his love?  This helps me to no longer brush by the garbage, denying its existence and pretending it does not stink.  The fact is, it does and while I may have become accustom to it, others have not!  I'm relieved that God loves even the sinner because that's me.  He longs to come along side and restore me with His love.  When the garbage in my heart is cleared out God has more room to take up residence.  My words and actions become an outflow of His presence within.  This is what it means for His “kingdom on earth as it is in heaven” to move through us. – What a JOY!  

Lord, quicken my mind to see the garbage that infects my heart.  I don’t want it to be there anymore.  Help me not rush past it but to find the source and let you in.  Please love and heal the broken, toxic places in me and lead me to the way everlasting.

Opening the Door

“If any one of you is in trouble he should pray…a prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well.  The Lord will raise him up.  If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. “ - James 5:13, 15-16

This post is a follow-up from the previous post called "Making Room."

The other day I came home and my husband said he wanted to get started cleaning the garage.   So he opened the garage door to the street!   Oh how I wanted to manage that better!  “Can’t we clean the garage without opening the door to the street?”  I asked.  “Here I’ll turn on the light.” I suggested.  Why did we have to open the door to the neighbors?  It's so embarrassing!   Here's why, because for order to occur in the garage, what was making it disorderly had to first come out. 

The truth is, if we really want to clean the garage of our heart, then we have to be willing to open the door and let those who have appropriately close relationships with us, access to our “mess” to help sort it out.    It cannot happen otherwise.  Real transformation requires the dirt of my heart being exposed to another, allowing confession and healing to occur. 

On occasion, someone is in our home, comfortably sitting in our family room, when we happen to open the garage door to the house and bring out something we can share with them, like dessert from the freezer or a cool new toy that may interested them.  Sometimes it takes me a while to find what I’m looking for because, of course, it’s hard to get pass the mess, so they offer to come in and help.  My heart pounds, my blood thins, “NO!  I got it!” is my panicked response.  You see, when we start to expose a part of our heart in front of someone, often the reaction can be similar, like, “YIKES!  I did not expect that; don't mind me, I'm fine.” And we want to cover it all up and shut the door to conversation just as quickly as it crept in.  Yet, this heart exposure is the most honest and real way for us to be together in that setting.   This is true fellowship.   This is our “real-self” instead of our “should-self” showing up to the conversation and it invites God’s spirit along with a loving community to be ministers of the gospel to us.  They are helping us clean our garage.  When we open the door to that type of honest confession we open the door of our heart to Christ and it is through Him that we are healed.

To be continued…

Lord, help me set aside my fear and pride so that you can make me clean.  I confess my tendency to hide.  Please help me live openly and honestly before You and others That I might know the light of your love.

Making Room

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. – Rev. 3:20 (NIV)

Our Garage is a mess…There are all kinds of things in there, luggage that needs to go up into the rafters, some of the kids old things they’d like to save are scattered throughout the space, bikes, my canning supplies are spread out for the summer,  there are tools and tool boxes.   It’s all important stuff, but the mess prevents me from putting in there the one thing a garage was designed for – my car! What I want in there is my car.  As I was in conversation with a friend this week it dawned on me how well this depicts my inner life with Christ.

There is a garage in me that needs cleaning at times.  I can clutter my heart space with many things and crowd God right out.  There are a lot of reasons I do this, really.  I hang on to things that should get stored up in the rafters but I don’t really want to do the work of getting them up there.  I hang on to things that I think down the road will be beneficial but I don’t really spend the time investing in them to actually make it so.  There are things that really ought to be thrown away but, in a strange and broken way; I rather enjoy the comfort of having them around.  Sometimes I just don’t want to feel the loss of letting something go.

The problem is that, while it may be easier to neglect my heart-garage, it prevents me from having within me what I was designed for – God!  All the boxes of treasured items get in the way.  How can He fit when the space has been filled with so many other things?  I need to make room for Him.  I neglect my heart-garage because cleaning can be so overwhelming.  Just like with a real garage, I say things like, “What do I do with this?  It’s too messy and there’s so much stuff.  Don’t open the door to the street its embarrassing!"  Then I wonder if the venture is even possible.  Well it is... and it is worth the work!

The truth is, if I really desire for Christ to dwell in me, I have to deal with the things that keep him out.  The next few blog posts will deal with just that. It's interesting that Revelation 3:20 was an invitation to the religious to let Christ in.  There's a challenge for us!

Lord, I confess my cluttered heart.  Help me open the door to you and show me the things that have taken up space and keep your presence from being fully realized. Please dwell in me as you see fit.  I am yours. 

Heart-Waters

A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

 Luke 6:45

            We recently had an infestation of mosquitoes in our house.  For the life of us, we could not figure out why.  That is until a puddle about the size of large kitchen sink was discovered in our backyard.  The water was tepid, green and riddled with those little aforementioned blood thirsty warriors! Once we cleared out the water, viol-la! Problem solved.  

“Out of the mouth the heart speaks”.  Words spring forth from the waters within our heart.  Well if that’s true (and I believe it is because Jesus, who is fully God, all good, King over creation and the smartest man who ever lived said it is), then what has been coming out of my mouth indicates there are some infected, “Mosquito-ridden", places in my heart.  At times I can be cynical, sarcastic, or just downright dismissive with my words; which, according to scripture, suggest a contemptuous heart.  OUCH!  Could that be true?  Contempt is “studied anger”.  Do I really study anger? Well, anger is studied when I ruminate on an offence and do not seek healing or restoration in it.  Where my heart hurts, it will hurt others.  I guess I do study anger.  So when I hear myself using language that dismisses or jabs, even when I’m leading out with humor, the question I’m learning to ask is, “What’s behind this?” I need to chase down the source!

            The other day I said to a friend something that, on the surface, seemed neutral, but it was flavored with frustration and anger. As I chased it down, what was really going on was that I was disappointed about something and I felt disregarded.  I was expecting one thing (regard), and, from my perspective, got another (dismissal).  So I returned the favor.   I dismissed her with my words.  That’s what you do when you’re hurt – right?  Ha!  See, there’s more sarcasm…oh my, this is a deep source? 

            Words are powerful!  They bring life or death because they stem from the life or death within us.   Sometimes words reflect a fresh water spring, refreshing the soul of another.  Sometimes they reflect the stagnate waters in the street, breeding bacteria and disease.    What do my words say about my heart?   If I am to be made new in Christ then I must give him access to my “heart-waters”.  He will heal the broken places.  He will make the tepid waters new.  Yet, as I consider what it feels like to give him access to my heart – the vulnerability causes me once again to want to protect and close myself off.  This battle is fierce!  It all goes back to who I am trusting; Jesus, who is all good, King of creation, completely brilliant, is the one who loves me.  I can trust him to be good and wise while he heals the broken and hurt places.  As I do, my “heart-waters” clear and what springs forth are words of refreshment and life.

Oh God, there is work to be done!  I will be still.  I will wait and partner with you in this “clean-up” job.  Forgive me for allowing these stagnated waters to remain in me.  Forgive me for the way in which I hurt your beloved as a result.  Thank you for being the One who is all good, King over creation, the smartest man who ever lived and loving me.

In His Name

“Where two or three are gathered in his name God is there.  He is not silent nor is he inactive…The kingdom of God is here.”

While I know this is a conglomeration of various scripture passages it was also spoken by a friend at church today.  His words came with such authority that they seemed to be from God himself.  It was a reminder to his body that He is here, working, living and active!  Where two or three are gathered in his name…, hmm, that doesn't mean simply where two or three are gathered but instead gathered in his name.  What does that mean, “gathered in His name”?  Does it mean only within the four walls of a church?  Does it mean so long as Jesus' name is acknowledged and spoken?  Does it mean among a group of people who share the same doctrinal beliefs?  I don’t think so.  Yet, as much as these ideas seem a little narrow or “off”, they may inform our thoughts more than we realize.

Sadly, the phrase has dulled for me over the years.  It has lost some of its meaning and at times taken some of the above characteristics.  Based on the council of Scripture, In His name means under the Lordship of… or with collective agreement of heart, mind, and soul using all of our strength, we turn and orient toward YAHWEH, God of Israel and God of US!  As we turn and align our life with His, things happen.  “God is there”.  He speaks as we become ready to listen.  As we are led by His Spirit, He governs and lead us towards truth, His truth, and as we follow, our attitude and heart orientation  changes from one of resistance to open handed acceptance.  We surrender.  In our surrender we are able to see His activity and the kingdom of God becomes evident here, in the present place, with this present group of people.  He frees us to live better and love better.  In doing so, the kingdom of God becomes all the more present and active…..He speaks and He is active in and through us as we gather In His name. 

“For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them." - Matthew 18:20

“….Well said, teacher,” the man replied. “You are right in saying that God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.” When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions. - Mark 12:28-34

All of this leaves me pondering a few questions…

Do I gather “in His name”? 

If I believe I am what is the evidence?

How am I or others changed as a result?

conversation is good! So leave your comments in the comment box if you feel so inclined :) 

Shh...

“ Be still and know that I am God.” – Ps 46:10

            Our family has a tradition of spending Thanksgiving in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.  My grandparents built a cabin there in 1974.  Now shared by many aunts, uncles and cousins it has become a kingdom of retreat.  One of my favorite pastimes is to walk through the rustic roads and enjoy the beauty of cabins nestled among golden oak trees, Manzanita, and sugar pines.  At times, squirrels and other animals come out to take a peek then scurry back to their homes.  All seem to greet a wandering partaker with welcome delight.

While I am talkative by nature, I've found that too much conversation diminishes a walk like this.  Words are best peppered conservatively along the way, allowing opportunity for the birdsong in the tree or the crackling of nature’s fallen extensions within the canopy above to be acknowledged and respected.  The tiny footsteps of a squirrel might hearken a glance back in that direction while my eyes follow its tail up a sunlit tree.  On rarer occasion, a deer will pose its beauty and for a heartbeat or two our eyes meet.  Hush...breathing too deep may signal its departure.  Wait, pause, partake.  For soon, this moment will be gone.

What if I took this sacred wandering practice into the more mundane; slowing down the inner highway of my heart to hear and take notice of God’s Kingdom?  Would I hear the tiny voice-cries of the walking wounded that go unnoticed when I am hurried?  Would I be more likely to respect and acknowledge God’s hand at work as he “prunes” the weakened extensions of my own heart or the heart of another?  Would kind respect be exchanged in a shared glance during the wait at a traffic light?  What is it like to walk down the rustic path of God’s everyday-kingdom with stillness? Ever looking. Ever noticing. This moment, right here, is all there is.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not come.  It is here in the present that Finite-human encounters Infinite-God.  Divine opportunities await our response; opportunities that, in their exhale, bring life. “Be still and know that I am God.”  This is his invitation to us, His Beloved.  Be still, take note, and walk in quiet wonder.  His Majesty is at work.

Prayer: Oh Father, I confess that I am often too hurried to notice your hand at work or your beauty displayed in and around me.  I want to be different.  Help me be present with you.  Show me how to walk with stillness in your Kingdom, partake in its blessings and in Your name bless others ~ Amen.