I'm Putting the Pen Down!

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Phil 1:6

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith...” – Hebrews 12:2

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jer. 29:11

My Daughter recently turned 15 and my son will be 18 in a few short months.  I’ve been imagining them at this age for a long time.  Mainly because it would be the last year they’d both be home, sharing this space they've come to know so well.  I can hardly believe we're here.  Where did the time go?

 I had no idea what to expect of this season except that it would most likely involve learning to let go to give them more independence.  When they were younger I imagined this stage as easy and carefree (even though plenty of people informed me otherwise),  and in some ways it is. There are no more midnight feedings, no babysitters to arrange, they can dress themselves and tie their own shoes (most of the time!), and on occasion they make dinner and do the laundry. 

In giving them independence, though, it means they are free to make decisions on their own. It means they begin to navigate this world in new ways that are independent of home and their parents.  Sometimes that brings me deep joy as I watch them spread their wings. Sometimes it makes me cringe as I watch them fly headlong into difficulty or disappointment...or the unknown; but they need all these experiences in order to grow and become mature, wise, confident, compassionate, functioning adults.

It’s funny how I often want to protect them from the situations that bring pain and disappointment.  I want to send them off into the world in bubble-wrap and forget it is through difficulty that God has done some of his best work in me.  I guess there's just something in a parent that impulsively lunges to the rescue when their child seems vulnerable to things that are risky or don’t make sense.  When my daughter was twelve I was caught trying to micro manage her world a bit too much.  She responded by saying, “Mom!  When will you put the pen down and let God write the story?”  Well that was a good question!  When would I?  Or better yet, WHY wasn’t I?

I find that I want to manage my kid’s world because I believe I know best.  But do I?  Don’t they have a God that is far better at managing the chapters of their story than I am?  Can’t I trust Him to be good when the situation does not LOOK good to me?  And most of all, don’t I want them to learn dependence upon this loving God that we call all knowing, all powerful, and all present?  If I keep placing myself into God’s role by seeking to manage their growing independent life, then they become dependent upon me not God. 

So I am choosing to put the pen down.  I have found that in doing so, I am free to enjoy the story a bit more and delight in what God might be doing. In the end, it opens up the opportunity for better conversation and shepherding because I can listen without agenda and they feel heard. We laugh together more…and we cry more too.  But we are all learning how to live with increasing dependence upon the one “who began the good work” in the first place, and trust “the author and perfecter of our faith”, because He indeed has it all planned out for the good.

Below is a sweet little video that depicts "leaving the nest quite well

http://www.wimp.com/mandarinducklings/