Shh...

“ Be still and know that I am God.” – Ps 46:10

            Our family has a tradition of spending Thanksgiving in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.  My grandparents built a cabin there in 1974.  Now shared by many aunts, uncles and cousins it has become a kingdom of retreat.  One of my favorite pastimes is to walk through the rustic roads and enjoy the beauty of cabins nestled among golden oak trees, Manzanita, and sugar pines.  At times, squirrels and other animals come out to take a peek then scurry back to their homes.  All seem to greet a wandering partaker with welcome delight.

While I am talkative by nature, I've found that too much conversation diminishes a walk like this.  Words are best peppered conservatively along the way, allowing opportunity for the birdsong in the tree or the crackling of nature’s fallen extensions within the canopy above to be acknowledged and respected.  The tiny footsteps of a squirrel might hearken a glance back in that direction while my eyes follow its tail up a sunlit tree.  On rarer occasion, a deer will pose its beauty and for a heartbeat or two our eyes meet.  Hush...breathing too deep may signal its departure.  Wait, pause, partake.  For soon, this moment will be gone.

What if I took this sacred wandering practice into the more mundane; slowing down the inner highway of my heart to hear and take notice of God’s Kingdom?  Would I hear the tiny voice-cries of the walking wounded that go unnoticed when I am hurried?  Would I be more likely to respect and acknowledge God’s hand at work as he “prunes” the weakened extensions of my own heart or the heart of another?  Would kind respect be exchanged in a shared glance during the wait at a traffic light?  What is it like to walk down the rustic path of God’s everyday-kingdom with stillness? Ever looking. Ever noticing. This moment, right here, is all there is.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not come.  It is here in the present that Finite-human encounters Infinite-God.  Divine opportunities await our response; opportunities that, in their exhale, bring life. “Be still and know that I am God.”  This is his invitation to us, His Beloved.  Be still, take note, and walk in quiet wonder.  His Majesty is at work.

Prayer: Oh Father, I confess that I am often too hurried to notice your hand at work or your beauty displayed in and around me.  I want to be different.  Help me be present with you.  Show me how to walk with stillness in your Kingdom, partake in its blessings and in Your name bless others ~ Amen.

It Rained Today

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”   Acts 3:19

It rained today and I couldn’t help but take note of its disruptive nature.   The sidewalk darkened, the flowers bent low under the weight of collecting waters.  Earthy droplets sprang from the ground dancing in the showers.  Just as quickly as the clouds came, they dried their tears and hovered in quiet relief.  All was still.  Nothing heard but the drip drop reminder of sudden weeping.  In silence a light broke through. The sun displayed its splendor and this tiny piece of sodden creation was refreshed.  Sunlight glistened in the face of a daisy and adorned the cheek of a rose.   The muck of the mundane was once again washed away by the storm and revived beneath the sun.

                In a similar way, there is a storm that rises within the soul of each of us.  It is graced with the Divine.   In its surge and fury it betrays our hidden places and lays bare our brokenness.  As we lie there bending low in our sodden state, words escaping our defenses, He kneels along side in the mud and the mire that purged from the recent torrent.  A light shines forth warming our naked soul.  We are caressed by His love as the SON ushers in His splendor.  

                That is the beauty of a storm. Intuitively I run away , hoping to ward off it's disruption, but I am learning to appreciate its advances and lean into it.  There are places within me that otherwise remain unacknowledged, untouched and unhealed were it not for a storm or two to pry the unseen to the surface.    Once the storm has done its work I bring my heart’s turned up soil into the fellowship of the Trinity - where God sits for the awaited visit.  Jealousy, anger, hurt, fear and disappointments are all there to be seen by Him.  Somewhere in my kneeling, Jesus comes and changes me. The Holy Spirit bears witness in hovering presence, and I am again revived, resting beneath the shadow of His Spirit and beside the risen Son.

Prayer: Oh Lord, help me embrace the storms.  Holy Spirit rain down.  Search me, Oh God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Our God-Call

Purpose is a funny thing.  We were created to have purpose -  to be a part of something bigger than ourselves - To accomplish something great for the sake of others and to stand in awe of something even greater. (John 14:12)  That is the God-signature in all of us.  That is what our God-imaged soul strains and cries out for.   Without it, our life is small and unrealized. (Matt 25:15-30)  This does not mean WE are to be great. It means that partnering with the King of kings to accomplish his good reign "on earth as it is in heaven" is a fierce calling and counter intuitive journey. (Mark 8:35)  It will take our breath away, sometimes in awe, sometimes in excitement and sometimes in fear and sorrow. To live this way means to die to everything familiar, and to surrender the things we hold most dear, - it is an invitation to release the past, present and future into the hands of something or someone other than ourselves;  someone greater than us.  Someone who loves best, sees completely all time and space, who holds all things within his grasp, and someone who is at work on our behalf.  This is our creator God.  He is our suffering, conquering redeemer, he is our Abba; he is our intimate soul companion.  And he can be trusted entirely with this counter-intuitive life journey.  He will hem us in behind and before, (Isa 52:12) he is sitting at the place of reckoning interceding for us at this moment. (Hebrews 7:24-25) He is the bread and wine that will nourish our souls along this wilderness way (John 6:32-33).  And as we seek to orient our life in His direction, fully consecrating ourselves to His purposes, He will surprise us with this love, (Zeph 3:17) He will redeem us with his miraculous soul-touch (Mark 5:24-34), He will revive us with His heart-passion (Ps 37:4), and he will receive us to himself in all grace and mercy.  This is our hope. This is our Joy.  This is our life.


"Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God's holiness and sovereignty, acknowledging our own  littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down can divine wisdom become ours." - J.I. Packer

Staying in the Fire

              

 I remember a few years ago I came to a place where life just wasn't  working the way I would like it to.  Something seemed to elude me; though I was not sure what.  I knew in my head somehow God was the answer but it seemed so far off and confusing.  However, I could not deny the fact that God was inviting me to a new place; a place that would give Him deeper access to my heart and life so I agreed to go.  I did not fully know at that point what I was doing.   I suppose that’s a good thing because had I known the purifying fire that would ensue I’m sure I would have run!   There are a few things I know about fire.  It’s hot, it’s not easy to control, it burns and consumes, and it purifies.  Well that’s how God seems to work in me – just like a fire.  Maybe He works that way in you too.

When we give Him access, desiring a deeper life with him it means opening ourselves up more to His way.  When circumstances come up that are hard we choose not to run but instead work through them and boy, doesn't conflict turn the fire up?  Releasing control over the situation is hard! There’s no working to “fix” it or manipulating it to control the outcome.  When we let God determine the outcome, instead of working to control it we work to stay yielded to His heart in it.  Often in relinquishing those things, our hearts cry out on behalf of our self or someone else, “Wait it’s not fair!” or “Stop! It’s getting too hot!”  But God, in His infinite wisdom and goodness, allows the fire to continue and in so doing, it burns, consuming the impurities within us, forcing some of them to the surface.   Those are the things He wants.  Those are the things he sees and says, “Hey, can I have that?”  Those are the things we can surrender to Him knowing that when we do He is making us more like Jesus.     As we give God deeper access to our heart and life we are in the fire together.  It’s hot and often out of control.  Staying in it causes our life to be consumed.  But…somewhere in the ashes we find HIM, the One who loves us and never loses sight of His beloved.  So stay where it’s hot.  Let God work.  The purifying of the fire allows us to know His joy and reflect Him more.  For every part of our life that was lost God gives us His in return.  And His life is so much better!

“Anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life.  But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” - Jesus

Hello

Well, This is my first attempt at blogging.  I have been telling myself I was going to start one for years.  Here it is, after midnight, on a random evening and right now seems as good of time as any.  Maybe I am stalling going to bed.  The house if finally quiet and squeezing out just a few more minutes of sacred space sounds perfect. 

My name is Michelle.  I have been maried to a wonderful man named Ken for 19 years.  We have two beautiful children  Ben and Rebekah and lots of "adopted" children that come in and out of our home on a daily basis.   It seems strange writing things down for just anyone to discover.  My husband and I live a somewhat public life in our small town and a part of me cherishes the small corners of privacy that remain.  Yet I find myself compelled to share my recent hearts journey with those who are interested.   Mainly because as conversations have come up it seems others are on this journey too.   I am not sure how to start or what to say...I suppose it will come out in pieces as we go.  Hopefully it will make sense and those who read it will be encouraged and find as I have found, the love of the Trinity along the way.  

What seems to come to mind right now is the reason for the title of this blog spot - Saturdays.   In the church I attend we remember Christ crucified on Good Friday and on Sunday we celebrate His resurrection.  Friday and Sunday.  But what about the "in-between" Saturday?  Not much is said about that day.  The day when God goes silent and a resurrection has yet to come. The day when all that can be acknowledged is the aftermath of recent loss or the vague sense that something is not quite right.  Saturday has gone largely un-acknowledged for me...that is until recently.

I am discovering the understated holiness of Saturday for it is the bridge that moves us from death to life. It's funny how life often springs forth from death. Christ was crucified in order to make available to us his resurrection life. The first generation of wilderness-Israelites died before God would lead their children into the promise land. Even nature bears witness to this death-to-life phenomenon. For instance, a pine cone consumed in a fire releases it's otherwise dormant seeds birthing a forest out of the ashes.    As  I look back on the past few years it seems I've experienced a similar passage-a firestorm of sorts- in which my own dreams & desires - what i know to be my "life" are slowly being laid to rest.  Yet somewhere, out of the ashes new life is emerging.  I am told God's dreams are better. I hope that's true.  There have been glimpses of that truth along this journey....And in them I'm finding that Saturday is God’s silent storm and in it, somewhere, somehow, He comes near.  He holds us as we writhe, loving us intimately, and we are forever changed!   Oh how I have been tempted to run; run for dear life!  But  I must stay in this Saturday, every hour of it, before Sunday dawns.  There are no short-cuts, just remarkable happenings with the Trinity along the way; ones that are often only seen and understood in retrospect.

I've grown rather fond of Saturday – at times I wouldn't wish it away for a moment.  Those are the days when the grit of my struggle finds the embrace of God's love.   But there are other days when my soul sits in begging screams – pleading to be taken off this bridge, this highway, that's commanding my surrender.   Yet... as I remain...God's hand works in ways I thought were impossible; and slowly, ever so slowly, there is a sliver, a glorious sliver of light as Sunday's dawn peeks over the horizon...awakening my dormant soul...all through the sacred wait of Saturday.