"Soul Chemistry"

A continuation from previous blog posts  beginning with "Burned Out"

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11

As mentioned previously, one of the effects of oak on wine is flavor, but there’s more!  Wine goes through subtle chemical changes as it rests in the barrel, resulting in greater complexity and a softening of the harsh tannins....Do you see where I'm going with this ? :)...   Seasons of “wait” that God introduces can feel similar. 

"Soul-barreling" allows God to bring about subtle soul changes.  It helps us see ways in which our responses to God's love have been hindered by patterns of sin.  For instance, when outside voices are silenced and we are left with just ourselves and God we notice things.  For me, part of it was my harsh edges and critical sprit, that often dried up conversations and stole joy.  The sharp way in which I would say things often hurt those I was in conversation with.  A critical outlook, that demanded perfection, often robbed me (and others) of shared joy while we were together.  It was hard at first to look at these truths, I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but if I wanted to be different I had to take a good long look at reality and trust that in the process God would lovingly and faithfully change my “soul chemistry". Many personal journal entries during this time began with, “Oh God, do I really do that?” Usually His answer was, "Yes....but you are loved deeply and you CAN change with my help."

 In the Old Testament  Tabernacle worship, after the altar of sacrifice, the priest went to the bronze basin to wash.  God’s instructions were plain when constructing the basin - it was to be bronze.  Bronze is a very reflective surface.  Sacrificing an animal would be messy.  I suppose as the priest leaned over the basin to wash, his reflection would be quite clear.  He would see the literal effect of sin and he would also see it being washed clean.  What a picture of truth and grace! 

Staying in this soul space allows us to accept what is blood-soakingly real about ourselves.  Our sin has impact, and what is not transformed will be transmitted.  My family jokingly quips around the house, “Hey!  That sin looks much better on me than it does you!” The last thing I want is to clothe my children with my sin.  The silly little quip helps us acknowledge the effects of our brokenness, and it allows us to “wash” a bit over God’s basin of honesty and grace. .  Hebrews 12:4-17 speaks of the partnering work God does with us to bring about transformation.  It isn't easy but it's worth it! When we pay attention to our disoriented heart and redirect it towards God's, "new wine" forms in us;  wine that comes from the vine of Christ where harsh soul-tannins are smoothed and bitter soul-chemistry changes into robust flavor...and it happens as we immerse ourselves in his truth, love and grace.

Is God drawing your attention to broken personal habits or patterns of sin?

How do those patterns impact those around you?

How do they hinder your experience of His love and your ability to express it?



 

 

The Crush

a continuation from previous posts....

"From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45

 When grapes are harvested they go through a process called crushing.  That’s when grapes are picked and crushed, allowing the juice to be collected.  As this season of silence continued on with God, there was introduced within me a “Crushing”. 

Through various circumstances that seemed to pile pain upon pain, God was allowing a weight to press into my soul like a mighty crush.  My heart felt like it was in a vice-grip! It was inescapable and remarkably difficult.  I wanted to run far, far away from this slow, methodical pressing.  As soon as one circumstance would give way, another would roll in without mercy.  Many of the circumstances that offered such renderings involve other people and as such, I cannot disclose many details.  Suffice it to say that there was a significant loss of friendship, reputation, and...well... pride.  Combine that with four years of intense insomnia, the passing of several loved ones, and a marriage  that was feeling the strain of it all (Much of these dynamics were shared experiences with my husband.) and you have for one fierce crushing!  I suppose many of you reading this have experienced something similar at times. 

When grapes are crushed usually parts of the leaves and stem are mixed in.  That means it's messy and not very pretty.  It takes a while to get “pure” juice, and by “pure” I mean the flavors are balanced and allow for some of the other elements to remain.  At first I did not like the juices that began to flow from this crush.  They were sour and full of sediment, but Psalm 51:17 gave me hope.

“My sacrifice, oh God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

I had to learn to trust that in this broken place - stems, leaves and all, God was accepting me. It was actually "more pure" to let the sediment flow to the surface.  Something tender and endearing happened as I embraced the sediment.  They were the remnants of something once loved...now shattered. It was "sacred-sediment" ...Only a fierce crush could pour forth such a response, because until then we don't pay much regard to our broken places and we believe we can manage them fairly well and keep them hidden.  Crushes force the hidden to the surface and sediment seemed to spew forth from me like a timed sprinkler!  I was often caught off-guard by my responses or thoughts.  Where was all this coming from?  As I was pressed and crushed one thing became clear...the only thing that can come from a grape are the juices that are held within.  “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”...

As my heart poured forth in unrestrained words and thought God was near.  He held every prickly stem and bitter seed that made itself known.  He gathered my tears and carried my sorrow.  I can't honestly say I believed it at the time, but looking back I know it is true.

Martin Marty said,

“Brokenness and wounding do not occur in order to break human dignity but to open the heart so God can act.”

Through this fierce "crushing", God was opening my heart...