Feasting

OK…Slight change-up NEXT week the post called “Alternative Realities” will be posted this week is simply a follow-up from last week and an invitation to come away from your ADHD world and be with Jesus…after all we can’t WWJD unless we spend time with Him.

When I was a young teenager I spent a short time dealing with Anorexia.  Over time I became quite weak.  I entered high school weighing a whopping 83 pounds.  Now one would think that food is the logical option at this point but it took me a while to be convinced of its benefits.   At the time, I like the "advantages" of starving myself.  I actually found a sense of identity in them.  But with some time and a little help I began to eat again and found  life was better when I nourished my body.

If life is found in the pause instead of the sprint ( as was said in the last post) I wonder if we might at times starve our soul like some starve their bodies.  It seems that to live the good life means going 100 mph to fit every "enriching activity" in to the day.  By the end of the day, instead of sharing a meal we simply pass out at the table.  It is at this point that "food" is the logical option.   As much as our bodies were made to be nourished by a hearty meal so was our soul.  “God prepares a table before us”  and we are invited to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” ...To "feast" on Jesus, who is the broken bread and poured out wine (Ps 23 & 34; Luke 22)

So how does one feast on God and nourish the soul instead of doing a face-plant at the table?  It begins the same way it did for me as I dealt with anorexia.  I had to first realize I was starving myself and it was doing harm.  The ear-marks for it were listless-ness, foggy thinking, and a sense of isolation.  

At the risk of seemingly adding to the to-do list I will say this: If your time with God is close to nil, you are starving your soul and doing harm.  This is not a guilt trip and by the end I think you will find it is also not another item to add to your to-do list.  This is just me trying to keep it real...you see, our soul has similar alarms as our body does.   I am sure I’m not the only one who may feel spiritually “listless” once -in-a-while.  Sometimes, the thought of investing in anything spiritual sounds exhausting so I don’t.   Have you ever wanted to “be more spiritual” but can’t seem to find any focus?  Ever feel like your head is about to explode if you don’t get some space from things?  But you cant get space because your schedule is so crowded running from one thing to the next you barely have time to breath.  It’s like there’s this wonderful land out there and occasionally you catch a glimpse of it through the fog, but something keeps it veiled and just out of reach.  you'd like to find it but these things that sound-off in our soul...this inward chaos?  We are held captive by them.... and we begin to wonder if this far-off wonderland is just an illusion which means this is as good as life gets.

Sound familiar?  STOP.  Stop the rat-race that has befriended you and pause.  Breathe in and breathe out….literally! Those things that you're doing that identify you?...They don't make you who you are, God does.  So wait quietly for Him to come near…He will…don’t you worry.  It is in the pause that we feast on God's love so find ways to encounter Him.

If you love nature then go outside.  Look for God’s whisper in the bird song or sunrise, if you love books, find one and read it.  Since it is God you are seeking I suggest finding one that speaks well of Him, like the Bible, or one written by someone who’s encountered him and can share it.  Do you love music? Then turn on the worship and let it fill the room.  If you don't think you have time, you're wrong.  I will be that bold to assure you that the One who holds time in his hands has as His deepest desire to share time with you.  So take five, take ten, or take a whole day if you can.  ...Just come, come and feast...

“If you are starving and can find nothing to satisfy your hunger, then come.  Come, and you will be filled.”  Jeanne Guyon

 “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  - Jesus

Living WWJD In an ADHD World

OK, I confess.  While I have never been officially tested, my friends would concur, I am prone to Attention Deficit Disorder.  There.  I said it.  Surprise!  But really, honestly, hasn't that prognosis become about as normal as a setting on our dishwasher?  "Normal", "quick", "delicate", "extra dry", "slightly distracted", "somewhat unpredictable"...."Squirrel!" (to steal a quote from the movie Up) Maybe the diagnosis is true.  Maybe it's not.  The real question I am asking is this:  How can I live more intentional in an increasingly distracted world?  And I don't think one needs to be A.D.D. or A.D.H.D. to wonder the same thing.  I think somewhere deep down we are all asking something like that.  How do we live...better?


It’s weird really, A.D.H.D has become quite a phenomenon - The inability to hold focus, constant activity, moving from one thing to the next, lack of impulse control, anger management issues - It sounds like A.D.H.D. has made its way into our world more than we realize.  Is this life - laden with distractions, 'pleasure' seeking, and busyness - really working?

One look at the world around us - including the world within the walls of the church - and it's clear our A.D.H.D. approach is not working.  If it was, the use of anti-depressants would not be on the rise as it is.  Crime would not be the back-drop of most evening news reports, and divorce would be less not more frequent.  Lawsuits would be the exception not the norm.  Obesity would not be an epidemic.  Credit cards would not be maxed out from trips to the mall, Disneyland, or weekly "pedis". Parents wouldn't be lost in a sea of sporting events that consume their every waking hour.   Our 4 year olds Birthday party would not have to be "pintrest"...then Facebooked...then instagramed. (I'm going to share a secret with you...4 year olds don't care if their favors were made from recycled jars decoupaged in vintage fabric and filled with homemade organic treats....they just don't.) Nope our A.D.H.D. approach has not served us well.  Distractions are rarely the answer...they only pretend to soothe a bleeding (or bored)soul...a soul that's screaming for something more...for something better.


So...WWJD (what would Jesus do)? Because I really do want to DWJWD (Do what Jesus would do)... Of all people, HE seemed to focused on the things that matter.  He was busy but not distracted.  I don't think He was very bored either because He was going about His Father's work.  Yet, when life came at Him at break-neck speed He was at the ready... present and conversational.  For instance, when the bleeding woman caught the edge of His garment He paused.  If ever there was a moment for a man to "vacate the premises" and find something else to do, that was it!  But Jesus stayed.  He talked with the woman (shameful as it was at the time) and received her story. He didn't have to, according to scripture she was healed the moment she touched His robe.  By most "A.D.H.D-world" standards, His job was done and the next "thing" was waiting...Snap to it! But by WWJD standards, maybe the job wasn't finished.  Maybe the biggest miracle was the conversation between the Divine King of kings and a forgotten woman who longed for healing ...for dignity ...for friendship.  So much would have missed had Jesus "squirreled" off to the next thing instead of pausing his steps for a moment to take a closer look.

 Maybe life is found in the pause ...instead of the sprint

When I am distracted I tend to neglect relationships and sadly that means people too.  I move from one bright shiny object to the next. I see it glisten in the distance and something in me is driven to find its pleasure; pleasure that wears off soon after, so I move on to the next distraction. On and on it goes, satisfying for a moment, maybe even a season, but in the end leaving me more empty than when I started. That's what distractions do.  They give the illusion of satisfaction while secretly denying the soul.  
What would happen if we stopped our sprint to the next "drug of choice" and paused to touch the hem of His garment - if even only for a moment?  Would we be changed? Would our soul stop its bleeding? Would we be surprised by the conversation we encounter with Christ?  Would a piece of regenerated life awaken within us?...maybe life is found in the pause instead of the sprint.


WWJD?....He would pause.  He would be indifferent to the things that seduce a glance to steal our gaze.  He, instead, would gaze deeply into the heart of God through the waking of a sunrise, or the stillness of a prayer, He would delight in the joy of a child or the playfulness of a puppy. He would  notice the tug on His robe and, like He did with that woman, be at the ready...present and conversational; capturing the divine eternal moments that simply show up without trend or demand. He would welcome them with glad submission and... join in.

I want to do the same.  I want to DWJWD and find more than what this A.D.H.D world can ever offer.


Next post: Sunday, June 13 - "Alternative Realities"

Valley Storms

To be completely honest, I struggled over how to write this blog post.  It is adapted from a old journal entry and every time I took it out of the “first person experience” for this blog, it lost a good part of its meaning and sounded like rhetoric…so I didn’t.  I don’t write it this way for consolation or sympathy but in hopes of putting voice to what I know is common to us all.

 

“I hope that you have had a blue-sky kind of day, even if it’s snowing.”

My friend sent those words as a greeting recently.  I honestly don’t know if she meant it literally or figuratively …probably both.  Her words struck me and were deeply meaningful.  I live in a part of California where a 90 minute drive east would bring me right into the snowy Sierra Nevada Mountains;  and a drive westerly for about the same amount of time,  would tumble me straight onto the sandy beaches and blue skies of the coast.  BUT I live in the valley.  It’s the in-between place where the clouds collect from the coastal ranges and pass through as they make their way up the mountains to drop their snow.  Winter here often looks drizzly, gray and foggy with the occasional warm day brining a sunny respite. However, when those respites hide themselves, it is not unusual for families to take a Sunday drive and “get above the clouds to find some sun for the day”.  After all, the soul needs it.

I’m finding myself in a soul-season that feels a lot like winter in The Valley.  Circumstances seem to be piling one upon the other like collected clouds between mountain peaks, and struggle falls like rain?  How does one have a blue-sky kind of day when the grey hovers so ostentatiously?  I don’t really want to read another verse about trials building perseverance and perseverance character, and character…blah blah blah.  I want to escape and take my soul on a Sunday drive to find some sun…But where?

I know that Isaiah reminds us to put our down-cast soul into the hopes of God (Ps 42).  And I know that, “He keeps track of all our sorrows, and has collected all our tears in his bottle, recording each one in His book.” (Ps 56:8).  Maybe the light dawns as we go limp for a while and weep, letting the clouds of our soul drop their tears, and perhaps the blue-sky kind of day comes about while we sit in the drizzle of the rain, held by the One who alone keeps track of it all….
 

… Maybe the best thing we can do at times is just sit somewhere in the valley, between the blue-sky and the snow, and let it rain. 

Will trials build perseverance?  Yes, if I stay in the trial and let God do his refining work in me.  That’s how perseverance leads to character; and the sheer amazement of that actually happening builds hope. And hope lifts our eyes above the clouds to see the abundant resources held in heavens courts awaiting our appeal.  (Rom 5)

If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves,… and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. - Romans 8:26-28

So if you find yourself longing for a blue-sky kind of day even if it's snowing outside, let it rain a bit.  Trust that the Spirit will hold you before God and work out the details, at His ready the clouds will clear, making Hope's harvest sure.

 

Soul-Flavors

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our [waiting] condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.- Rom 8
...A continuation from the previous blogs beginning with Burned Out...

Well, we are almost finished with the series about the inward soul journey - woo hoo!!  Just a few more entries :)  Here we go...

The other day I visited a winery and tasted a new wine being introduced.  The flavor was amazing!  The woman went on to explain how the wine had been aged for eighteen months in new oak barrels.  Once wine initially ferments it typically gets placed in barrels to age.   It is there that the wait begins. This pause in production allows the wine to be removed from all other influences besides the barrel itself, causing the flavors from the wood of the barrel to be infused into the wine. ...That was it! I could actually taste the flavor of new wood on the wine I was tasting.  It was fresh, dynamic and wonderfully unique. 

           But let's go back to the idea of barreling... In this stage of the soul journey, like wine in a sealed barrel, I felt somewhat removed from many surrounding influences.  As if I was in the story, but watching it from a distance. I wanted to break through into various conversations and social settings but just couldn’t.  It felt more fitting to connect in smaller, more intimate ways but even then, the sense of being "known and understood" was rare; as was my ability to be fully present with others. God had introduced a grand "wait" and it was a strange abyss - so quiet and still. I no longer wanted false-fires.  There was a growing courage to let my “should/sensational-self” pass away and I felt indifferent toward things I once clung to for meaning.  It’s weird when what used to drive you goes away, because then, for a while, nothing drives you. The juices and sediment that had come from the recent crushing were purged for now and my “soul- juices” had been “barreled” allowing for my heart and mind to abandon itself to God's movement in the process...maybe that was the benefit of losing my drive and feeling so removed from others.

Indifference allowed for the questioning of sacred things and the dance of ambiguity.  In it, God initially seemed distant and silent but along the edges of this holy space I bumped up against His presence.  Old ideas that had formed broken images in my heart and mind were rewritten as they encountered God’s truth and love. His life infused itself ever-so-slowly into mine, like flavors of oak being drawn from the edges of a barrel.  This wait was changing me.  It wasn't one bit passive! Instead fiercely active.  Sue Monk Kidd likened her journey to that of a caterpillar and butterfly in her book When the Heart Waits.  In it, she states, “A creature can separate from an old way of existence, enter a time of metamorphosis, and emerge to a new level of life."

In this story, God, the wine-maker became the barrel as well; much like a caterpillar’s cocoon.  As we sit in dark-stillness with Him, He actively infuses our unfinished soul with the rich oak flavors of His love, joy, and peace. Those are the ingredients that make us fresh, dynamic, and wonderfully unique!  They are the things that make us real.  It takes a significant amount of time for wine to become aged and reach desired flavors.  It takes a long time for “soul-wine” too, but like that barrel, God surrounds us - even when we don’t know it.  Sometimes the path seems pointless as it becomes profoundly dark and God feels a chasm away. Yet, just when we think the darkness is too much, that's when we turn around and find that indeed, it isn’t darkness at all! …Instead, God has come so incredibly near that His hovering has cast it's shadow over us.  We are lost not in darkness... but held in His presence, which will one day bring forth incredible light!

So wait....Actively, wait.  Let the questions come and ambiguity rise.  God will surround you…He will infuse you with rich flavors of himself as you sit in the shadow of his accompaniment and emerge into a new level of life, the real-Christ-life intended for you will be found with all it's fullness and joy.

"Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes."  Eph. 3:20

False-fires

This is a continuation of previous posts beginning with "Burned Out"

"So if you have been raised into union with Christ, look around, pay attention to where Christ is in charge. Set your mind on God's reality not on the things of the earth, for you've died to that stuff. And the life that you now have is hidden with Christ in God so that when he is revealed, then your real life, your true self will be revealed in the light of his glory." Col 3:1-3

 When God began the process of building a "new-wine"  way of life in me, the strain of my then present way of life felt all-the-more pronounced. Something was missing and wrong.  Where was the promised Joy of John 10:10? Why did it feel like I was forever circling around the same traps of unhealthy habits and conflict. "Victory in Jesus" seemed a pipe-dream.  In the discontentment, God was inviting me into a journey to discover what it meant to live freely and lightly with Christ and know His unforced rhythms of grace and abundant Joy (Matt 11:29-30).  Though, the path looked oddly different than those promises.  While I strained for God as crushing circumstances forced the unseen to the surface,  I simply didn't have it in me to "fake it" anymore.   In short order the false motivations behind my activity fell under fire.  If I was to learn how to desire Christ and companion with Him, then I had to ask a few questions... why I was doing what I was doing.  What was behind my choices and the activity that flowed from them?  

For a long time I couldn't identify what flowed directly from desire or joy, or my honest and true "self".  Much of what I did was a response to obligation, fear, or image management.  It was these “false-fires” that needed to be acknowledged.  False-fires occur when the activity we do feeds a false part of us.  The False part of us can be called the “should-self” or the “sensational-self”.  The “should-self” is who we believe we should be in relation to God and others but not who we really are.   So much of what I did had a corrupted or false driving component of “should” to it and flowed out of who I thought I should be or how I thought I should act.  The “sensational-self” is the self that makes decisions based on whether or not it will provide a sense of being special or sensational.  It's the part of me that wants to impress others.  Both feed a false sense of purpose.

           The truth is, our sense of purpose can only come from a transformed life in Christ but before that, our sense of being loved and special can only come as we encounter God in a deeply personal way-a way in which we hear from Him, "You are my beloved".  We love because God "first loved us".  Any other foundation is unstable and false.  It can and will ignite false-fires within us.  False-fires drive us in a way that is dangerously close to the real thing but they aren't sincere nor do they fully satisfy.  I longed for the "real-fire", "first-loved" life of Christ meant to burn uniquely within me, but how could I find it when all these other false-fires burned so brightly out of control? 

Hebrews 4:12-13 says this,

 “God's word is alive and working and is sharper than a double-edged sword. It cuts all the way into us, where the soul and the spirit are joined, to the center of our joints and bones. And it judges the thoughts and feelings in our hearts. Nothing in all the world can be hidden from God. Everything is clear and lies open before him, and to him we must explain the way we have lived.”

            Out of this passage flowed the prayer of my heart.  “God, show me why I do what I do.  Stop me if it's not initiated by you.  Give me the strength to let my ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and my ‘no’ be ‘no’.  Show me your fire, meant to burn uniquely within me.”  

Now normally I would be ending this entry about now but... I want to warn you that by praying the prayer above, fierce uprisings may occur.  God’s will encounters ours and often the two do not agree, but take heart! That battle of the wills is at least real!  God does not want our “should-self”. It isn't real - obligation has never coincided with honesty and love...its strange how we mix that up.  Nor does God need our "sensational-self". He already delights in us!  ...How can He love and transform us when what we bring to Him is a portrayal of what we should or want to be, but isn't really who we are?  God is fully aware of our imperfect real-self, and He's altogether elated to companion with that person.   It is our real-self that He calls "beloved".  That broken, messed up part of you that you don't like...He loves! That's who He accepts, and desires to make new.  It is only our real-self that has the capacity to receive his "new-wine" life.   It is only our real self that can truly desire Him. It is the unhindered, unadorned beloved child within us that holds the flint to be ignited with His fire, burning ever brighter with His joyfully redemptive story of life, purpose and hope.  Being honest helps us extinguish what is false and allows God to refine and rekindle the "real". 

So I must ask...What are some of the "false-fires" that burn within you?  How might God be inviting you to something different?

Here's a link to a song that I often return to when confronting "false-fires" within.  Maybe you would like it too :)  http://youtu.be/god9flc_xbk 

The Crush

a continuation from previous posts....

"From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” – Luke 6:45

 When grapes are harvested they go through a process called crushing.  That’s when grapes are picked and crushed, allowing the juice to be collected.  As this season of silence continued on with God, there was introduced within me a “Crushing”. 

Through various circumstances that seemed to pile pain upon pain, God was allowing a weight to press into my soul like a mighty crush.  My heart felt like it was in a vice-grip! It was inescapable and remarkably difficult.  I wanted to run far, far away from this slow, methodical pressing.  As soon as one circumstance would give way, another would roll in without mercy.  Many of the circumstances that offered such renderings involve other people and as such, I cannot disclose many details.  Suffice it to say that there was a significant loss of friendship, reputation, and...well... pride.  Combine that with four years of intense insomnia, the passing of several loved ones, and a marriage  that was feeling the strain of it all (Much of these dynamics were shared experiences with my husband.) and you have for one fierce crushing!  I suppose many of you reading this have experienced something similar at times. 

When grapes are crushed usually parts of the leaves and stem are mixed in.  That means it's messy and not very pretty.  It takes a while to get “pure” juice, and by “pure” I mean the flavors are balanced and allow for some of the other elements to remain.  At first I did not like the juices that began to flow from this crush.  They were sour and full of sediment, but Psalm 51:17 gave me hope.

“My sacrifice, oh God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”

I had to learn to trust that in this broken place - stems, leaves and all, God was accepting me. It was actually "more pure" to let the sediment flow to the surface.  Something tender and endearing happened as I embraced the sediment.  They were the remnants of something once loved...now shattered. It was "sacred-sediment" ...Only a fierce crush could pour forth such a response, because until then we don't pay much regard to our broken places and we believe we can manage them fairly well and keep them hidden.  Crushes force the hidden to the surface and sediment seemed to spew forth from me like a timed sprinkler!  I was often caught off-guard by my responses or thoughts.  Where was all this coming from?  As I was pressed and crushed one thing became clear...the only thing that can come from a grape are the juices that are held within.  “From the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”...

As my heart poured forth in unrestrained words and thought God was near.  He held every prickly stem and bitter seed that made itself known.  He gathered my tears and carried my sorrow.  I can't honestly say I believed it at the time, but looking back I know it is true.

Martin Marty said,

“Brokenness and wounding do not occur in order to break human dignity but to open the heart so God can act.”

Through this fierce "crushing", God was opening my heart...