Saddling Up - Setting fear aside to follow God!

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deut 31:8

A few week ago I enjoyed a weekend get-away with my family and a few friends at Kennedy Meadows Resort and Pack Station.  Kennedy (as we've come to call it) is nestled near the Sierra Nevada Summit in California.  It's one of the last honest cowboy places around, and certainly not "fancy"!  But it's run by real cowboys, and comes complete with a saloon, pack station, a general store, and rustic cabins for overnight stays.  My husband's parents have spent over fifty summers there and know the horses and trails like the back of their hands.  They are great trail guides and generously offer such trips to us when we come, so of course we planned a ride with our friends for the weekend!  

Our friends were new to riding horseback and anxiety was a little high as we waited for a guided trail ride.  I was quick to remind them that the horses know this trail better than we do, so we can trust them!  Trust...hmmm... so here's a teeny confession: Sometimes trust doesn't always come easy for me and when I ride (novice that I am!), I try too hard to control the horse’s movements, tenaciously holding the reigns thinking I know the route better than the creatures who spend countless days taming it (Think James 4:13-15).  And,...well...Usually that’s how I end up in the brush, off the trail, scratched up and trying to turn around (I think that’s called repentance!)  

OK, back to the story.  We spent an hour or so that day meandering through meadows, making our way through the rustic woods and across a river that moved through the meadows like a quiet blessing.  It's funny, while the river seemed quiet, it felt much different as we tried to cross it.  The water's voice grew louder as we made our way into it. The horses hooves slipped and "clopped" on the rocks immersed just beneath the surface. Some of the riders were unsure how to let the horse cross, and there was a little hollering, whinnying, and splashing - anxious chaos! Yet we made our way through those deceptively still waters! 

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. – Isa 43:2

On the other side came an unexpected respite as the deer lazily greeted us, exchanging soft glances our way while we lingered through gigantic redwood trees that stood as cathedrals among the aspen and wild flowers. It was lovely! 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways submit to him,

    And he will make your paths straight.  Prov 3:5-6

When our ride ended and we returned to the pack station, I asked our friend Ana, who was visiting from Europe, if she enjoyed it.  Here is what she said: “At first, I felt a lot of fear inside.  I was worried about what might happen, but then I said in my mind to the horse, ‘I know that you are used to this, you know what you are doing, and where you are going; so I will trust you. I will not let fear control me.  If I hold on to fear it will only make things worse. This is good. I am safe. So Let’s go!’  Then I enjoyed the ride very much.”

I couldn’t help but notice how Ana’s story mirrors the journey of following Christ.  It begins with trust - trusting in something, or someone, beyond ourselves to journey us into something new.  But trust can be hard, especially when it means going in a direction that feels unfamiliar or scary, and it requires our surrender! We sense the invitation but fear-feeding thoughts rise to the surface of our mind, don’t they?  We become riddled with what-if’s.  What if I can’t control this? (Hint: We already can’t! ;-)) What if something bad happens and I can’t fix it?  What if I find myself alone with no idea where to go? What if I’m humiliated and lose respect from others? What if this decision causes loss or pain to those I love? What if ….? 

Fear can keep me from ever putting my foot in the stirrup and getting on the horse at all!  Sometimes I’d rather keep my feet on the ground, safe and secure in my comfy place, called predictability.  If our friends did that we would not have gotten on those horses that day; and we would have missed the journey and beauty of the ride.  If Ana stayed focused on her fear, even when she was on the horse, her ride would have been miserable and the only enjoyable part would have been when it was over!   Horses aside, I’ve done that in life, haven’t you? I've opted out of  something when it felt too hard or scary; or in lack of surrender, I’ve gritted my teeth through the journey counting the minutes instead of the blessings – holding tight to the reigns, trying to steer in directions not meant for me.  

Surrendering to the ride is much better.  That’s when we can rest in the calm splendor of God and encounter beautiful rivers of life-giving mercy and grace.  I remember the sound of the horses’ hooves on the rocks as we crossed the river with our friends that day; and I wonder if it isn't similar to how we might can recall the voice of God leading us through the waters of our own story.  He reminds us that, though we may be anxious, He is good and will be good to us.  

Like Ana at the start of her ride, we can say with confidence to God,  "I know that this is not new to you.  You know what you are doing and where you are going.  So I will trust you and I will not let fear control me, fear will only make things worse! This is good, I am safe, so let’s go!”

Hands Have Fingers

I've been working on a few blog post to continue on in how we begin to encounter God in ways that sustain a journey toward Christ-likeness and awaken us to a whole new way of life-giving friendship with Him?  This afternoon My daughter and I were in a conversation and it rings true to some of what is needed on this journey so I thought I'd share it with you.  Sometimes a child's perspective is all it takes....

REBEKAH: "Mom, when it comes to prayer we have a reverse peep-hole."

ME: "What do you mean?"

REBEKAH: "It's like we are looking through a peep-hole from wrong side and we assume that what we are seeing is all there is to see."

ME: "What do you mean?"
...
REBEKAH: "Like the time when Savvy and I were goofing around and I was looking through the peep-hole from the outside. She asked me how many fingers she was holding up and I said none but she was actually holding up six."

ME: I'm not sure I'm following you.

REBEKAH: "Think about it...If all I knew was what I saw, I would think that hands are not meant to have fingers because I never saw the fingers."

ME: "I think I'm tracking."

REBEKAH: "Looking through the peep-hole I saw only part of what was happening and the part I even saw was distorted."

ME: "Ok so how is this connected with prayer?"

REBEKAH: "When we pray we assume we have the big picture about ourselves, inside and out, and we "let God in" to our world assuming we know all about it. The truth is He's the one looking through from the right direction and seeing from the right perspective. So when we say, "Oh let's pray about this." we really need to think about what we pray. I can't just tell God, "Hand's don't have fingers!" and demand that everybody's hands be blobs. I have to actually consider the fact that God sees better than me and hand's might actually work better with fingers, even if I've never seen fingers on a hand."

ME: "So what you are saying is that sometimes we pray from a very limited, broken perspective and we'd be better off....(Beks interrupts)"

REBEKAH: "We'd be better off just opening up to God's idea and going with it, even when it might not make sense...Hand's have fingers!"

 

Valley Storms

To be completely honest, I struggled over how to write this blog post.  It is adapted from a old journal entry and every time I took it out of the “first person experience” for this blog, it lost a good part of its meaning and sounded like rhetoric…so I didn’t.  I don’t write it this way for consolation or sympathy but in hopes of putting voice to what I know is common to us all.

 

“I hope that you have had a blue-sky kind of day, even if it’s snowing.”

My friend sent those words as a greeting recently.  I honestly don’t know if she meant it literally or figuratively …probably both.  Her words struck me and were deeply meaningful.  I live in a part of California where a 90 minute drive east would bring me right into the snowy Sierra Nevada Mountains;  and a drive westerly for about the same amount of time,  would tumble me straight onto the sandy beaches and blue skies of the coast.  BUT I live in the valley.  It’s the in-between place where the clouds collect from the coastal ranges and pass through as they make their way up the mountains to drop their snow.  Winter here often looks drizzly, gray and foggy with the occasional warm day brining a sunny respite. However, when those respites hide themselves, it is not unusual for families to take a Sunday drive and “get above the clouds to find some sun for the day”.  After all, the soul needs it.

I’m finding myself in a soul-season that feels a lot like winter in The Valley.  Circumstances seem to be piling one upon the other like collected clouds between mountain peaks, and struggle falls like rain?  How does one have a blue-sky kind of day when the grey hovers so ostentatiously?  I don’t really want to read another verse about trials building perseverance and perseverance character, and character…blah blah blah.  I want to escape and take my soul on a Sunday drive to find some sun…But where?

I know that Isaiah reminds us to put our down-cast soul into the hopes of God (Ps 42).  And I know that, “He keeps track of all our sorrows, and has collected all our tears in his bottle, recording each one in His book.” (Ps 56:8).  Maybe the light dawns as we go limp for a while and weep, letting the clouds of our soul drop their tears, and perhaps the blue-sky kind of day comes about while we sit in the drizzle of the rain, held by the One who alone keeps track of it all….
 

… Maybe the best thing we can do at times is just sit somewhere in the valley, between the blue-sky and the snow, and let it rain. 

Will trials build perseverance?  Yes, if I stay in the trial and let God do his refining work in me.  That’s how perseverance leads to character; and the sheer amazement of that actually happening builds hope. And hope lifts our eyes above the clouds to see the abundant resources held in heavens courts awaiting our appeal.  (Rom 5)

If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves,… and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. - Romans 8:26-28

So if you find yourself longing for a blue-sky kind of day even if it's snowing outside, let it rain a bit.  Trust that the Spirit will hold you before God and work out the details, at His ready the clouds will clear, making Hope's harvest sure.

 

I'm Putting the Pen Down!

“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” – Phil 1:6

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith...” – Hebrews 12:2

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jer. 29:11

My Daughter recently turned 15 and my son will be 18 in a few short months.  I’ve been imagining them at this age for a long time.  Mainly because it would be the last year they’d both be home, sharing this space they've come to know so well.  I can hardly believe we're here.  Where did the time go?

 I had no idea what to expect of this season except that it would most likely involve learning to let go to give them more independence.  When they were younger I imagined this stage as easy and carefree (even though plenty of people informed me otherwise),  and in some ways it is. There are no more midnight feedings, no babysitters to arrange, they can dress themselves and tie their own shoes (most of the time!), and on occasion they make dinner and do the laundry. 

In giving them independence, though, it means they are free to make decisions on their own. It means they begin to navigate this world in new ways that are independent of home and their parents.  Sometimes that brings me deep joy as I watch them spread their wings. Sometimes it makes me cringe as I watch them fly headlong into difficulty or disappointment...or the unknown; but they need all these experiences in order to grow and become mature, wise, confident, compassionate, functioning adults.

It’s funny how I often want to protect them from the situations that bring pain and disappointment.  I want to send them off into the world in bubble-wrap and forget it is through difficulty that God has done some of his best work in me.  I guess there's just something in a parent that impulsively lunges to the rescue when their child seems vulnerable to things that are risky or don’t make sense.  When my daughter was twelve I was caught trying to micro manage her world a bit too much.  She responded by saying, “Mom!  When will you put the pen down and let God write the story?”  Well that was a good question!  When would I?  Or better yet, WHY wasn’t I?

I find that I want to manage my kid’s world because I believe I know best.  But do I?  Don’t they have a God that is far better at managing the chapters of their story than I am?  Can’t I trust Him to be good when the situation does not LOOK good to me?  And most of all, don’t I want them to learn dependence upon this loving God that we call all knowing, all powerful, and all present?  If I keep placing myself into God’s role by seeking to manage their growing independent life, then they become dependent upon me not God. 

So I am choosing to put the pen down.  I have found that in doing so, I am free to enjoy the story a bit more and delight in what God might be doing. In the end, it opens up the opportunity for better conversation and shepherding because I can listen without agenda and they feel heard. We laugh together more…and we cry more too.  But we are all learning how to live with increasing dependence upon the one “who began the good work” in the first place, and trust “the author and perfecter of our faith”, because He indeed has it all planned out for the good.

Below is a sweet little video that depicts "leaving the nest quite well

http://www.wimp.com/mandarinducklings/