Skin On the Floor

“Mommy Cookie Monster’s skin is on the floor!”  Said the worried little girl.

“What do you mean?” asked the mother

“He’s just lying there on the floor all flat with nothing in him.  Is he dead?” The girl asked

“Oh no sweetie, That's all he's got...He needs someone inside of him to bring him to life.” The mother explained.

A mom of a preschooler shared this story a few years ago.  Her 2 ½ year old daughter had found her brother’s costume tossed on the floor the day after Halloween. ...so what's my point in sharing this story?... 

A while back, my daughter and I were noticing how depleted and worn we felt and there appeared to be no end in sight.  Recalling the mom's story, I simply said to her, “Sometimes, it just feels like we’re skin on the floor and that’s about all we’ve got.”  With a sideways smile she responded, “Yep…that is about sums it up, mom.” Seasons like that seem to show up in the soul on occasion, leaving us feeling somewhat empty.  Those are often the days when we wake up wondering if we have what it takes to do the next 24 hours and hope somehow to find Heaven's breath in us because all of the sudden we are keenly aware that we need something MORE than ourselves inside of us to bring us to life.  They are the days that remind us that God is God and we are not.

 Sometimes we are just "skin on the floor" and  I bet that God prefers it that way - not because he is cruel or enjoys watching us suffer, but because he knows what it takes for us to finally surrender to his better ways and find the life we are looking for.   How else would we ever notice our total need for Him and openly receive what He has to offer? Trading our life for His (Luke 17:33) isn't all that attractive when things are going along nicely and we feel confident in our own resources. After all, who needs "Heaven's breath" when we are breathing just fine on our own?  To the degree that I believe I am competent is often the degree to which I believe I do not need God.  ...Ouch!

Coming to the end of our personal (without-God) capacity, postures our heart so we can finally say, “Lord, I need your grace right now, to do what I know I must and to live in the way you have called me to live.  My flesh is weak, its worn, and fails often, but your Spirit in me holds heaven’s resources at its fingertips.   That is my only hope – it’s what I am banking on!  And it is more than enough... it is the promise of Christ!  You are Immanuel – God WITH me!  Carry me, move me, become my words and act through me.  I am skin on the floor, I lay myself down to be fully inhabited by you.” 

I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD"  Ezekiel 37
Just like that abandoned costume, when we abandon ourselves and become “Skin on the floor” God has all the room He needs to bring us to life. “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." (Matt 5:3)  And just like the boy, when God is allowed to “wear” us, His resources become ours and we move and act like him with energy, strength and love we never knew we had.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me. – Gal 2:20

Gnarly Vine Faith

Truth springs up from the earth,
    and righteousness smiles down from heaven.
Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings.
    Our land will yield its bountiful harvest.
Righteousness goes as a herald before him,
    preparing the way for his steps. – Psalm 85:10-13

This is a continuation from previous blog posts

One of my favorite wines carries as part of it's name, "Gnarly Vine" The fruit comes from old vines that have lived trough many years of strain and drought along with sunny days and cloudy winters.  They've tangled, redirected, and "knotted" many times over again, and produce fruit with full robust flavor.

One of the benefits of this long wait with God is that it gave me permission to be inwardly tangled and redirected over and over again.  It allowed for things like pain and confusion to surface ("sacred-sediment" mentioned in an earlier blog.)  While that may not sound like a good thing, it was!  It was good because it gave me a chance to see it, feel it, and let God bring healing to the past soul-strains and cloudy winter-stories I held.  That meant (among other things) letting go of circumstances that brought pain or confusion,  because my way of coping with them created some broken habits. 

Stories have a funny way of integrating themselves into our life. They are the snapshots of life that provide images of memory. Good or bad we draw conclusions around them and begin to form ideas about how life works.  At times I operate out of those ideas, taking them in as truth.  The problem is that many times they aren’t true (at least not entirely) and unless we take note of them, these false-narratives will hold tremendous power over us...they will tangle us.  For instance, we may carry the idea that people can't be trusted. A very painful story may have led us to that conclusion.  Believing people cant be trusted will cause us to treat others as suspect and withhold the very thing we were designed to give and receive alongside them - love.   As much as I may WANT to love and be loved by someone, my thoughts are holding me captive from it.  I can "will" it all day long but my thoughts will override my will-power every time. Hmmm...One thing is for sure, our circumstances form ideas and ideas form thoughts and thoughts determine how we live.  I guess that's part of the reason 2 Cor. 10:5 says to “Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.”  And why Phil 4:8 redirects us to fill our thoughts with whatever is right, true, pure and lovely. SO...we actually have say over our thoughts!  We can determine what we think about.

As God's truth infused itself into my "soul flavors", it was becoming easier to identify some of the lies that previously found their way in.  Romans 12:1-2 speaks of the paradigm shift that occurs when truth reshapes the very recesses of our being, which was (is) indeed happening to me. Every step required confession and seeking Christ to ask Him what was true and what was not.  God’s voice seemed to frequently call out, “Michelle, you have heard it said, or you may think….but I say…” As we go to the "basin" and wash off the residual effect of past images that form our many misguided ideas, God renews our mind which in turn has the potential to begin transforming our heart. Ephesians 5:26 says this, “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”   So while, for the sake of our example, we may not be able to always trust people, we can trust God.  He considers us beloved and intends to fill us with His life if we will let Him. I'm glad too, because as the years go on and the strain of drought, or the joy of sunny days, or bitter cold of cloudy winters take their toll, I will need Him to untangle me over and over again.

We can trust that Christ will wash and reshape our life with His truth as we seek to "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ."  It is HIS truth that sets us free - free to live in the abundance of His love, untethered by pain, fear, offence...or any other misguided thought.  And It will prepare the way for His robust and bountiful "soul-wine" harvest.

How about you?  What are some of the ideas that inform your life? 
 
Is it possible some of them, though compelling, may not be altogether true?

How have they held you captive

What might God's truth be according to his Word and Spirit?

"Soul Chemistry"

A continuation from previous blog posts  beginning with "Burned Out"

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11

As mentioned previously, one of the effects of oak on wine is flavor, but there’s more!  Wine goes through subtle chemical changes as it rests in the barrel, resulting in greater complexity and a softening of the harsh tannins....Do you see where I'm going with this ? :)...   Seasons of “wait” that God introduces can feel similar. 

"Soul-barreling" allows God to bring about subtle soul changes.  It helps us see ways in which our responses to God's love have been hindered by patterns of sin.  For instance, when outside voices are silenced and we are left with just ourselves and God we notice things.  For me, part of it was my harsh edges and critical sprit, that often dried up conversations and stole joy.  The sharp way in which I would say things often hurt those I was in conversation with.  A critical outlook, that demanded perfection, often robbed me (and others) of shared joy while we were together.  It was hard at first to look at these truths, I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but if I wanted to be different I had to take a good long look at reality and trust that in the process God would lovingly and faithfully change my “soul chemistry". Many personal journal entries during this time began with, “Oh God, do I really do that?” Usually His answer was, "Yes....but you are loved deeply and you CAN change with my help."

 In the Old Testament  Tabernacle worship, after the altar of sacrifice, the priest went to the bronze basin to wash.  God’s instructions were plain when constructing the basin - it was to be bronze.  Bronze is a very reflective surface.  Sacrificing an animal would be messy.  I suppose as the priest leaned over the basin to wash, his reflection would be quite clear.  He would see the literal effect of sin and he would also see it being washed clean.  What a picture of truth and grace! 

Staying in this soul space allows us to accept what is blood-soakingly real about ourselves.  Our sin has impact, and what is not transformed will be transmitted.  My family jokingly quips around the house, “Hey!  That sin looks much better on me than it does you!” The last thing I want is to clothe my children with my sin.  The silly little quip helps us acknowledge the effects of our brokenness, and it allows us to “wash” a bit over God’s basin of honesty and grace. .  Hebrews 12:4-17 speaks of the partnering work God does with us to bring about transformation.  It isn't easy but it's worth it! When we pay attention to our disoriented heart and redirect it towards God's, "new wine" forms in us;  wine that comes from the vine of Christ where harsh soul-tannins are smoothed and bitter soul-chemistry changes into robust flavor...and it happens as we immerse ourselves in his truth, love and grace.

Is God drawing your attention to broken personal habits or patterns of sin?

How do those patterns impact those around you?

How do they hinder your experience of His love and your ability to express it?



 

 

Soul-Flavors

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our [waiting] condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.- Rom 8
...A continuation from the previous blogs beginning with Burned Out...

Well, we are almost finished with the series about the inward soul journey - woo hoo!!  Just a few more entries :)  Here we go...

The other day I visited a winery and tasted a new wine being introduced.  The flavor was amazing!  The woman went on to explain how the wine had been aged for eighteen months in new oak barrels.  Once wine initially ferments it typically gets placed in barrels to age.   It is there that the wait begins. This pause in production allows the wine to be removed from all other influences besides the barrel itself, causing the flavors from the wood of the barrel to be infused into the wine. ...That was it! I could actually taste the flavor of new wood on the wine I was tasting.  It was fresh, dynamic and wonderfully unique. 

           But let's go back to the idea of barreling... In this stage of the soul journey, like wine in a sealed barrel, I felt somewhat removed from many surrounding influences.  As if I was in the story, but watching it from a distance. I wanted to break through into various conversations and social settings but just couldn’t.  It felt more fitting to connect in smaller, more intimate ways but even then, the sense of being "known and understood" was rare; as was my ability to be fully present with others. God had introduced a grand "wait" and it was a strange abyss - so quiet and still. I no longer wanted false-fires.  There was a growing courage to let my “should/sensational-self” pass away and I felt indifferent toward things I once clung to for meaning.  It’s weird when what used to drive you goes away, because then, for a while, nothing drives you. The juices and sediment that had come from the recent crushing were purged for now and my “soul- juices” had been “barreled” allowing for my heart and mind to abandon itself to God's movement in the process...maybe that was the benefit of losing my drive and feeling so removed from others.

Indifference allowed for the questioning of sacred things and the dance of ambiguity.  In it, God initially seemed distant and silent but along the edges of this holy space I bumped up against His presence.  Old ideas that had formed broken images in my heart and mind were rewritten as they encountered God’s truth and love. His life infused itself ever-so-slowly into mine, like flavors of oak being drawn from the edges of a barrel.  This wait was changing me.  It wasn't one bit passive! Instead fiercely active.  Sue Monk Kidd likened her journey to that of a caterpillar and butterfly in her book When the Heart Waits.  In it, she states, “A creature can separate from an old way of existence, enter a time of metamorphosis, and emerge to a new level of life."

In this story, God, the wine-maker became the barrel as well; much like a caterpillar’s cocoon.  As we sit in dark-stillness with Him, He actively infuses our unfinished soul with the rich oak flavors of His love, joy, and peace. Those are the ingredients that make us fresh, dynamic, and wonderfully unique!  They are the things that make us real.  It takes a significant amount of time for wine to become aged and reach desired flavors.  It takes a long time for “soul-wine” too, but like that barrel, God surrounds us - even when we don’t know it.  Sometimes the path seems pointless as it becomes profoundly dark and God feels a chasm away. Yet, just when we think the darkness is too much, that's when we turn around and find that indeed, it isn’t darkness at all! …Instead, God has come so incredibly near that His hovering has cast it's shadow over us.  We are lost not in darkness... but held in His presence, which will one day bring forth incredible light!

So wait....Actively, wait.  Let the questions come and ambiguity rise.  God will surround you…He will infuse you with rich flavors of himself as you sit in the shadow of his accompaniment and emerge into a new level of life, the real-Christ-life intended for you will be found with all it's fullness and joy.

"Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes."  Eph. 3:20