Lord Have Your Way....wait...WHAT???!

In continuing on from the previous posts "Why is Growing Up Like Having a Root Canal?" and "What Was I Thinking?!" 

SO last week on Sunday I posted on Facebook, "Getting ready to worship in loving community with a few other Jesus followers...I'm so glad and full of joy !!"  After said declaration, I cheerfully locked my car and walked to the Worship Center, greeting people along the way.  Feeling rather glad to be heading in to a time of worship, I thought to myself, "My Michelle, aren't you prepared for church today!  Give yourself a holy pat on the back! Just look at how bright and cheerful you are!"  It's sick, I know. But, come on...you know you've done the same thing.  They are the times when all is "right with the world" and no inward "grouchies" are in sight.  Any bad emotions are sealed tightly behind the closed doors of our external presentation of "self"

As the worship time moved along, we began singing "I Surrender".  There were many who demonstrated a desire for God through a posture of full surrender.  I'm sure you know what I mean, arms extended and open wide, faces towards Heaven, eye's closed singing with abandon, "I want to know you more, I want to know you more.  I surrender" The song went on,

 "Like a rushing wind, Jesus breath within."  OH yes those words sound so appealing don't they?  Just come in Jesus, come make your home here in me...be my very breath!

 "Lord have your way, Lord have your way in me!"  WAIT!....What??  - Hold on.  I don't know if I really want this?  Suddenly the "joy" I walked in with was being bullied out of me by this cruel suggestion of surrender and imminent loss of control!

I caught myself looking around the room (And before you get "concerned" that I was becoming distracted and not "worshiping", rest assured.  I was more engaged than ever!) I wanted to say, "People, WAIT! Do you know what you are singing? Let's THINK about this for a minute... Do we really WANT what we're asking!?"  We sing a song like this and we are swayed along by desire that, dare I say, might find it's only root in the warmth of the immediate.  It feels good so we sing it.  It's weird how we can go on auto-pilot during worship, singing songs word for word while our mind and heart "zone-out".  When our mind zones out our habits, like little children left on a playground without a teacher, follow our emotions for hunt of something pleasant- the proverbial "warm-fuzzy". In this case, for me, it was the worship service. (By the way, we seldom limit our quest for the "warm-fuzzy" to the singing.  Plenty-a-pastor has  been cruelly exploited in our quest as well...said the pastor's wife ;) )...but again, I have digressed.  The truth is we are after something legitimate that we think a "warm-fuzzy" will give us....

We LONG for deep knowing.  As people created in the image of God, we can't help but strain toward it.
 The problem is, a "warm fuzzy" won't be enough to sustain us into the heart of God. It's like catching a glimpse of something good just across the water, getting into a boat to cross over to it, only to discover your boat keeps leaking and no matter how many times you try, the boat will sink before your arrival every time.   So while a warm-fuzzy may be a welcomed invite, it remains just that - an invite.  It opens the door to something more if we want it.  If we do,  then we must find a vessel capable of getting us there.

Well that morning I wasn't sure I even wanted the invite... Do I want to know God more...Did I want HIM to know ME more (Like I could hide from Him - haha!)? Well, if I wanted it, then according to the song (and scripture), The vessel to get me there is to surrender my story.  That means choosing to embrace the good with the bad and letting God take up residence in it all, trusting that in the windfall, His breath will breathe life into mine.  Not magically, mind you,  It requires a little partnering on our part...that's what sanctification is - joining God in our journey of becoming changed...made new... more like Him.  Along the way we will be jostled by the "waters", but not forsaken....broken and shaped but not destroyed, at times lonely but never left alone.  He will be there and we will learn to "know Him more". Over time, as we find delight in Him, His desires will become ours, we will naturally love more like him, naturally find joy in the good and swayed less by the allure of the bad. 

So what am I babbling on about? For a long time I've stared across the lake at the vision of knowing God more; realizing that it brings life and joy!  ...But sometimes it is easy to forget the vessel that will carry me there - to the heart of God - includes a Gethsemane walk.  Not just Christ's, but mine.  "Lord have your way in me"  sounds a lot like Jesus' blood-sweat prayer in the Garden, "Father, if it is possible remove this cup from me, yet not my will but yours." In other words,  "God, I might not like what's going on and I may want out...but I will surrender... I will let you write the story your way.  Show me how to live like Jesus ...even in this."

Beyond the warm-fuzzy of religious exhilaration there is a life of deep Joy waiting for us.  Letting God have His way in us is a difficult surrender but it is the vessel that leads just such a life.