Staying - When we stay in the valley and become honest with God something remarkable happens

The last SATURDAYS post talked about God redeeming even the darkest parts of our story.  I love that idea...God turning despair into hope, Night into day, dark into light. But often the idea is a lot easier than the execution.  How do these dark-wait-days become redeemed?  How can we practically find God in them?  Have you asked these questions?  I know I have!  
    

Perhaps it begins when we stop trying to turn on the light ourselves.  Of course it's only natural to look for light in dark places.  When my dad got sick I wanted to find ways to alleviate the pain and shock of it all.  No one with any appetite for life initially enters a difficult season by saying, "Oh yeah baby!  Bring it on...the more desolate the better!"  Nope...  We initially want out!  But skipping across the top of pain does not allow us to be present with it; and only as we become present with it that we will find healing.


While I believe that to be true, often I need to learn how to do it.  In the case with my dad, the only thing I really knew was that I didn’t like it.  I wanted things to go back to the way they were.  I dreaded the journey ahead for him, my mom, for everybody.  So, secretly in my heart, I tried to find a light switch to turn on.  I wanted to illuminate this path and find something better, but there was no light switch.  (Now, before anyone corrects me, don’t worry, I already know Jesus is the light of life...I don't need a reminder) Since I could not find a way to illuminate that path, I groped for a door and looked for a way out, but every door opened to the same reality.  I was so frustrated and overwhelmed.  But God had a plan, He still does.  And one of the gifts of such sacred darkness is that there is no escape.  

To find the light of Christ we must be willing to journey the dark, solemn places of our soul that rise up and question the goodness of God.  Job did that and he wasn't scolded, he was actually reminded of God.  Perhaps some would say, we shouldn’t question God’s goodness, or that we should trust him more.  Well, that’s a good idea and when you meet someone who has that figured out, let me know.   I have tried bringing my “should” or “shouldn’t” self to God.  It doesn’t work very well, because it isn’t my real-self.  I don’t need God to love the person I should be, I need him to love the person I AM.  Nothing discloses the real-me more than moments of desolation.  

I suppose that’s why raw honesty works best...at least it does for me.  In that hotel room near Stanford sometime around 3 am I could cry out, “God, I don’t like this!  I’m overwhelmed with sadness and disappointment.   I don’t trust you to be good right now because the pain and shock I feel eclipses much of what I’ve learned about you....or at least what I've come to believe. If you are who you say you are, please come and meet me here.” …And he did, and he brought his goodness with him.  Like Job, I wasn't scolded in his presence, I was reminded.
So I asked God to open my eyes to what was real and to see His goodness in it.  As I came across a garden at Stanford I was reminded there is a Gardener that grows beautiful things from dirt that holds seeds; and the soil bed of our hearts are being prepared, all the time, for sacred work and beauty.  Walking through the many waiting areas God gave me eyes to see past the medicine and notice the sleepy sojourners in waiting rooms, unforgotten by the One who is high above it all.  He's the one who remembers our waiting condition and keeps us present before the Father even when  we can't do so ourselves (Rom 8, Isa 55:8-9).  He collects our tears and carries our sorrows (Ph 56:8).  He does it while we work out our disappointments with Him, with our story and with ourselves.  

It takes time to make room for such soul-space.  Silence and solitude are key.  In them, the many screams from this crazy roller-coaster can be silenced. His still small voice finds an echo that carries its way to the canyons of our dismay.  And while we wait in the basin of darkness, we learn to die.  We loosen our grip on what we must have, who we must be, the things we must accomplish, and we simply begin to rest in who we are and what we’ve been given.  We become present with ourselves and, if we invite him, Jesus shows up too.  The sinner dines with Holiness and in the power of God’s loving presence, we are changed. 

I am slowly learning to let the Light of Life love me in honest visitations.  This, after all, is our inheritance.  Let us receive it with…joy.

Become silent for a moment. Stay quiet long enough to notice what's rumbling in your heart and mind?   
What honest plea might you have for God? 
Practice trusting Him by voicing that plea before him.  Set your 'should' and 'shouldn't' aside and  dare to speak what rises up.
Let the Light of Life love you in the darkness and hold you present before Himself. 

Hear Him say, "Oh beloved, show me your face, let me hear your voice.  For your voice is sweet and your face is lovely.  There's nothing in your story that I have not seen and remembered."   

More later….

Favored, Not Forgotten - A look at how even in our darkest places, God redeems our story.

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining; till he appeared and the soul felt it's worth. A thrill of hope. The weary world rejoices! For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!"

I live in the California Central Valley where much of the ground is dry and barren as we’ve weathered a long drought.  There was an earnest hope for rain as fall approached, and from this December 24^th viewpoint, we can see the drought finally breaking! Its finally raining!  I was wondering if the ground could recover from such a long dry spell, but there are tender little green things, long forgotten beneath the soil, finding their way through the top.  Little sprigs of hope serve as reminders how from the dark, quiet places….even when on the surface things look bleak and barren, life will emerge.

It reminded me of the SATURDAYS post, “Arise” from last Christmas - the one that talks about taking off our grave clothes to let the resurrected Jesus live through us.   But that's the good part of the story, kind of like when those fall rains finally came this year.  The before part of the story happens as Jesus showed up days after Lazarus died.  It didn't look so promising from that point.  Mary waited, and Martha scorned...By all accounts it was too late. Their brother was good and dead and the one person who could have done something about it passively wandered his way there.  Why did Jesus wait so long? Did He forget the urgency of the situation, or just choose to ignore it?  It seems so dismissive.

I’ve felt that way - forgotten by God.  Haven’t you?  There are times I want God to show up and make the situation better….NOW, but my prayers only seem to go as far as the ceiling then fall right back down and hit the floor.  I get weary in the wait and wonder if anything will ever change. (as mentioned in the previous post).  God's favor seems a far way off in the distance. It’s often in such vulnerable space that evil shows up, mingles with my story, dances with, doubt, shame and regret, and tries to convince me there is no way out - that things will never change, that I am (or the situation is) too broken to be made whole. But just like with Lazarus, God’s timing is different than ours, and he has something in mind far beyond what we can imagine.  

In the quiet, dark places where nothing seems to happen and our lives appear deeply submerged under the soil away from light…away from living, we can believe there is something better.  Our soul- soil, made by God, holds the seeds of long forgotten life. Lazarus comes forth.  Droughts receive the rains.  Night gives way to dawn.

For anyone out there who doesn’t know where you’re going, anyone groping in the dark, trust in God... lean on your God! – Isaiah 50:10

God isn't passive in the dark, he does some of his best work there!  Light dawned on the night a humble, betrothed Jewish woman, living under Roman occupation was visited by an angel who said, “Greetings… you who are highly favored”. Such words dispelled Mary’s terror.  Yet, her favored position didn’t look very favored at first.  It meant, misunderstanding, confusion, a change-up on her marriage plans, a marginalized reputation, a donkey ride for who knows how long …in labor!... only to be turned away during her most significant hour of need.

Then, from the darkness of the womb, the light of life comes.  Life always emerges from dark places – the soil, the tomb, the womb.  When darkness finds it deepest strength, Light shows up and breaks its hold.  Jesus waited on Lazarus because he wanted to tell the world he is coming for the places that are good and dead!  Fragile flesh showed up in a stable to change the story breath by breath.  Love is born!  And if we let it in, Living Water will break the drought and shatter the dark places of shame, disappointment, regret and resignation.  No longer must we live under their oppressive occupation! God has every intention of redeeming the stories we’ve given up on – the ones where we believe there is no way out and resign to the idea that things are what they are.  Those are places best suited for birth!  

Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God’s Sunrise (Jesus) will break upon us. Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace – Luke 1:79

The question is will you and I take the journey?  Am I, are you, willing to "lay to rest" our life for His?  Are we willing to change our espoused plans with this world, risk our treasured things and trust that in it all, somewhere deep beneath the barren surface, God has something altogether better in mind?  If we do, we will find we were never forgotten...We were instead highly favored.

Where do you feel the need for urgent change? 
Where might God have you in waiting?
Practice sitting still before him for a few minutes, quieting your heart.  Ask God to show you his great love for you 
See if he desires to give you a vision for his purpose and ask him how you can join him in it.