Burned out...

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt tired, worn out, or burned out on religion? Well I sure have! But to be honest, being burned out on religion was hard to identify.  There was a burning sense that something about the Christian life ought to be more than I was experiencing but I couldn't quite put my finger on it?  Since burn out typically comes on the heels of excessive "doing",  to find any answers I had to slow down a bit to give my soul some space! This meant saying “No” sometimes, and that was hard.  All kinds of things came up in me when I said” no” like, “What will others think if I say no?  Will I be judged, dismissed or left out of the loop?”  I found that in saying yes to so many things, it said something about my core belief system.  I would like to say this was a “secondary belief system” but it had far too much power over me to be secondary.  No, it was definitely primary and often trumped my belief that God was good, that He loved me, and that placing a love and trust in him above all else is how I am called to live and where real life and safety is found.

One striking reality that all of us must take into account is that when we say, “yes” to one thing, we automatically say, “no” to something else.  My busy “yeses” took up hours of my time, leaving little time to connect with God on a deeper level.  I don’t mean to imply that they were bad activities; but the hard truth is, I was saying yes to them because I believed that somewhere, somehow life would be found there (or I would not have said yes in the first place).   Saying “yes” gave me power to control something and in this case I wanted to control uncharitable judgments from others. Keeping those judgments at bay would prevent me from being evaluated and possibly dismissed by them, staying active in managing that, kept me from addressing my core fear which was that I would one day be abandoned by “this cruel world” and left hung out to dry.  In a very real sense, it was that core fear that drove me more than anything else.  As such, it became the ”executor”, so-to-speak, of my primary belief system which informed my responses and decisions.

THIS core belief of abandonment needed to be acknowledged and brought into the presence of God through prayer. Because it was the “executor”, it had lordship over me.  It was the thing seated on the throne of my heart.  However, it would do me no good just to confess it.  I needed to really stay with God in it, in a conversational way He and I needed to talk about it.  “I’m sorry God, I don’t know why I do this.  I really want to be in a different place.  Why is it so hard to believe in YOU?  Why is it so hard to DESIRE you? And why is this THING taking up your seat in the house!?”

So my honest, gut level answer to Jesus' “blind beggar” question to me, "Michelle, do you really want this?" was, “No. I don’t want "this"-what I have now.  It’s pointless.  Do you have anything better to offer?”  And He said, “Yes”….

More next time…