What Do You Really Want?

“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’” - John 5:6

This is a follow up from yesterday’s post “Grace, Grace, and more Grace!” A while back (I have permission to share this :)) I was meeting with a woman who was trying to make some changes in her marriage.  We had a habit of getting together regularly to check in on the progress of things. We talked about our previous conversations and she’d update me by evaluating her behavior or attitude and why it may or may not have measured up to the expected progress.   I sensed a lot of guilt and shame as we discussed things and she was growing no closer to her husband. In fact, the only thing growing was frustration and bitterness!  We had to be missing something...but what?  The more I listened the more it became clear that we had skipped a primary step.  As she paused, I asked her one simple question, “What do you really want?” 

“What do you mean?” she inquired, somewhat caught off-guard by the question.

“What do you want?” I repeated.  “Do you want to be in this relationship?”

The question was not intended to put pressure on her. I just don’t think we had stopped to consider her desire and my hope was to give her heart space to honestly show up.  We needed to return to “square one” and her honest, gut-level answer was of utmost importance, but honesty can be hard sometimes.  She answered by saying, “It doesn't matter what I want. That’s not the point.  He’s my husband and we need to make this work?”

While I appreciate her commitment to her marriage, she had gotten so caught up in the “doing” that she lost sight of just being with her husband.  So I responded by saying, “Unless you want it, I don’t think it WILL work; because much of what you do depends on the treasure of wanting this.  If you don’t, then the only thing driving you will be obligation, guilt and shame.  That’s not enough to keep you in this.  At some point those driving forces will run out and you will be done.  You will quit, or you will shut down and numb out.  Neither of which honor you, your husband or your relationship very well.”

Her struggle was not about doing the right thing or the wrong, her struggle was one of desire. How was she to begin desiring again?

As blunt as this sounds, it is also morbidly true in regard to our relationship with God. 

There are times when I have felt like that woman.  Much of what drove me in a relationship with God was a sense of obligation to do the right things, guilt if I didn’t, or a sense of shame because I didn’t really want to.   Like this woman, it didn't matter what I wanted, that wasn't the point, He was my God and I needed to make this work... I had gotten so caught up in the “doing” I lost sight of being with God.  Being with Him is what made it so fresh in the first place!  I needed to go back to square one.  I needed to learn how to desire again.

How many of you reading this feel the same way?  Don’t kid yourself, be honest –it’s of utmost importance.   Many of us have found ourselves sitting in a pew on Sunday morning and we have no idea why.  Somewhere along the line we conceded to the idea that this was the right thing to do so we did it.   We joined the crazy rat-race of a church-going evangelical Christian; but are you different?  Is it any better than the life you left? Are you growing any closer to God? Somewhere, the treasure (Knowing Christ) got lost in the “service” and the service became the “treasure”.  For years I simply "did" church and forgot to even ask the question that Jesus asked the blind Beggar, “Do you want this?”

But there is hope!  Jesus gives a picture of it in Matthew 11. I believe this is the “square one” many of us are looking for. 

“Are you tired, worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matt 11:28-30

If this has resonated with you, then go to Jesus!  Get away with Him.  Seek him out through His word and through others.  His hope is that we give our heart space to show up with Him  - with gut-level honesty.  Just like the blind beggar, He is asking you, "What is it that you really want?"

More on the journey into desire next time....