All Praise To Him!

“I tell you.” He replied, “If they keep quiet, even the stones will cry out!” - Luke 19:40

It’s Thanksgiving Day.  I’m nestled with my family in a Sierra Nevada cabin in a little mountain town called Sugarpine.  I love coming up here.  We’ve been doing it for years and it usually comes as a well needed rest seasoned with sweet company, quality-time together, tripping over the mess we make, and the occasional edgy quip as we succeed in sharing over 100 continual hours together.  I took a walk with my dad this morning as we’ve done many times. It dawned on me that we’ve been walking these roads together for years. I love my dad and I am grateful to still have him in my life.  I'm thankful for my husband who initiated this Thanksgiving Day tradition with my parents.  I'm thankful my teenage kids consider this one of their holiday "favorites".  So... I’m working to be "present", but distractions come easily (in fact, typing this might be one of them!) 

What is it about the lure of "checking out" this is so compelling?  It takes a lot of intention to stay aware and tuned in relationally...but it's worth it.  There is something about sharing moments with those I love that causes me to be more grateful for them.  That gratitude brings life and joy.  It seems the same when I spend a moment or two with God.  Somehow in his magnificent glorious way, He authors praise unto himself; not because He is an ego-maniac but because He knows what will truly give us life and joy.

Psalm 8:1-2 Says, “Lord, our Lord,

How majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory

in the heavens.

Through the praise of children and infants

you have established a stronghold against your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger.

God ordains the praises of infants and children to literally push back the presence of the enemy!...Enemy BE SILENCED!  We lift our voice to the Lord our God, who is in all, through all, and in whom we live and move and have our being!  So let the mess happen -it's evidence of life inside the walls of that space, let the edgy words go - they don't bring life at all - don't offer them and don't ingest them.  God inhabits the praise of His people - His creation!  That's why today I want to share with you something so magnificent…so surprising...it's God’s choir in crickets!  You may think I’m crazy but that’s OK... I don’t think you will once you hear the music. Stay listening for at least 3 minutes...the "voices" that come are incredible!...Close your eyes and listen...BTW some of the comments in the comment box of the song are not for young eyes (you gotta love "free speech"- but God's much bigger than that for sure!)

https://soundcloud.com/acornavi/robert-wilson-crickets-audio?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook

Can you imaging, our God, who is not bound by time hears the choir of this beautiful melody all the time...If He can make a song out of a cricket's life, He can make one out of yours and mine.  It's interesting to note how incomplete this "choir" would be with just one cricket...It's the collective voice that creates a symphony.  So this year as we gather more with friends and family, I will have this choir in my head reminding me to be thankful for those I'm with, even when it gets messy or unpredictable, because in it God is composing His song.

“All creatures of our God and King. 

Life up your voice and with us sing! 

Oh Praise Him!  Oh Praise Him!

Hallelujah!”

Carpe Diem!

 "This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." – Ps 118:24

Last Sunday was a very special day in the life of our family – one for which I am deeply thankful.  My husband had the opportunity to baptize our 17 year old son.   You may wonder why a pastor’s kid would wait until he was 17 to be baptized.  Frankly, I was starting to wonder myself, but he is an old soul and takes his faith pretty seriously.  I guess it makes sense then why he waited.  I was glad that he did because it reminded me that God writes the story…not me.  As I read through Ben’s notes Saturday night I was thoughtful about the fact that when I surrender the story to God, I rather enjoy the turns and find ease in the stride because I am not the one trying to control the outcome. 

When it came time for Ben to share his testimony and be baptized, I grabbed the camera and started clicking away. I mean, that’s what you do, right?  It was such a special time for which I had waited long for and I should be basking in the glory of God's gracious work... but, well… a part of me…missed it!  You see, I became so distracted trying to CAPTURE the moment that I couldn’t just BE IN the moment.   I’ve added these poor quality pictures because they're all I have, which is the reason I even wrote this today.  I wish I could have seen the motion in that hug, or of him going down into the water and back up, but instead I have a blurry still-life snapshot.  These are a good visual reminder of how we can lose focus and perspective when we get distracted with the “minors” and miss the “majors” of life’s little moments.

Pictures are important because they help us remember, but sometimes it’s more important to put the camera down and show up to the party-  carpe diem or seize the day!  This Thanksgiving I want to do just that.  Sure I will take pictures but more than that, I want to be present with those I am with.  I want to seize the day and see what God has in store.  I’m willing to bet it will be easier than trying to navigate a perfectly scrumptious turkey, a beautifully set table or a wonderfully baked pie.  The best conversations seem to allow room for our imperfect worlds to collide a bit, and they usually happen when we are less concerned with centerpieces and allow for  mismatched silverware or a boxed stuffing, and well….sometimes I just have to remember that life is often only half-baked but there is beauty and perfection in the moment when Christ has room to enter in and be a part of it all.

This Thanksgiving let’s

 

...Carpe diem!

Gnarly Vine Faith

Truth springs up from the earth,
    and righteousness smiles down from heaven.
Yes, the Lord pours down his blessings.
    Our land will yield its bountiful harvest.
Righteousness goes as a herald before him,
    preparing the way for his steps. – Psalm 85:10-13

This is a continuation from previous blog posts

One of my favorite wines carries as part of it's name, "Gnarly Vine" The fruit comes from old vines that have lived trough many years of strain and drought along with sunny days and cloudy winters.  They've tangled, redirected, and "knotted" many times over again, and produce fruit with full robust flavor.

One of the benefits of this long wait with God is that it gave me permission to be inwardly tangled and redirected over and over again.  It allowed for things like pain and confusion to surface ("sacred-sediment" mentioned in an earlier blog.)  While that may not sound like a good thing, it was!  It was good because it gave me a chance to see it, feel it, and let God bring healing to the past soul-strains and cloudy winter-stories I held.  That meant (among other things) letting go of circumstances that brought pain or confusion,  because my way of coping with them created some broken habits. 

Stories have a funny way of integrating themselves into our life. They are the snapshots of life that provide images of memory. Good or bad we draw conclusions around them and begin to form ideas about how life works.  At times I operate out of those ideas, taking them in as truth.  The problem is that many times they aren’t true (at least not entirely) and unless we take note of them, these false-narratives will hold tremendous power over us...they will tangle us.  For instance, we may carry the idea that people can't be trusted. A very painful story may have led us to that conclusion.  Believing people cant be trusted will cause us to treat others as suspect and withhold the very thing we were designed to give and receive alongside them - love.   As much as I may WANT to love and be loved by someone, my thoughts are holding me captive from it.  I can "will" it all day long but my thoughts will override my will-power every time. Hmmm...One thing is for sure, our circumstances form ideas and ideas form thoughts and thoughts determine how we live.  I guess that's part of the reason 2 Cor. 10:5 says to “Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.”  And why Phil 4:8 redirects us to fill our thoughts with whatever is right, true, pure and lovely. SO...we actually have say over our thoughts!  We can determine what we think about.

As God's truth infused itself into my "soul flavors", it was becoming easier to identify some of the lies that previously found their way in.  Romans 12:1-2 speaks of the paradigm shift that occurs when truth reshapes the very recesses of our being, which was (is) indeed happening to me. Every step required confession and seeking Christ to ask Him what was true and what was not.  God’s voice seemed to frequently call out, “Michelle, you have heard it said, or you may think….but I say…” As we go to the "basin" and wash off the residual effect of past images that form our many misguided ideas, God renews our mind which in turn has the potential to begin transforming our heart. Ephesians 5:26 says this, “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…”   So while, for the sake of our example, we may not be able to always trust people, we can trust God.  He considers us beloved and intends to fill us with His life if we will let Him. I'm glad too, because as the years go on and the strain of drought, or the joy of sunny days, or bitter cold of cloudy winters take their toll, I will need Him to untangle me over and over again.

We can trust that Christ will wash and reshape our life with His truth as we seek to "take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ."  It is HIS truth that sets us free - free to live in the abundance of His love, untethered by pain, fear, offence...or any other misguided thought.  And It will prepare the way for His robust and bountiful "soul-wine" harvest.

How about you?  What are some of the ideas that inform your life? 
 
Is it possible some of them, though compelling, may not be altogether true?

How have they held you captive

What might God's truth be according to his Word and Spirit?

"Soul Chemistry"

A continuation from previous blog posts  beginning with "Burned Out"

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." - Hebrews 12:11

As mentioned previously, one of the effects of oak on wine is flavor, but there’s more!  Wine goes through subtle chemical changes as it rests in the barrel, resulting in greater complexity and a softening of the harsh tannins....Do you see where I'm going with this ? :)...   Seasons of “wait” that God introduces can feel similar. 

"Soul-barreling" allows God to bring about subtle soul changes.  It helps us see ways in which our responses to God's love have been hindered by patterns of sin.  For instance, when outside voices are silenced and we are left with just ourselves and God we notice things.  For me, part of it was my harsh edges and critical sprit, that often dried up conversations and stole joy.  The sharp way in which I would say things often hurt those I was in conversation with.  A critical outlook, that demanded perfection, often robbed me (and others) of shared joy while we were together.  It was hard at first to look at these truths, I felt embarrassed and ashamed, but if I wanted to be different I had to take a good long look at reality and trust that in the process God would lovingly and faithfully change my “soul chemistry". Many personal journal entries during this time began with, “Oh God, do I really do that?” Usually His answer was, "Yes....but you are loved deeply and you CAN change with my help."

 In the Old Testament  Tabernacle worship, after the altar of sacrifice, the priest went to the bronze basin to wash.  God’s instructions were plain when constructing the basin - it was to be bronze.  Bronze is a very reflective surface.  Sacrificing an animal would be messy.  I suppose as the priest leaned over the basin to wash, his reflection would be quite clear.  He would see the literal effect of sin and he would also see it being washed clean.  What a picture of truth and grace! 

Staying in this soul space allows us to accept what is blood-soakingly real about ourselves.  Our sin has impact, and what is not transformed will be transmitted.  My family jokingly quips around the house, “Hey!  That sin looks much better on me than it does you!” The last thing I want is to clothe my children with my sin.  The silly little quip helps us acknowledge the effects of our brokenness, and it allows us to “wash” a bit over God’s basin of honesty and grace. .  Hebrews 12:4-17 speaks of the partnering work God does with us to bring about transformation.  It isn't easy but it's worth it! When we pay attention to our disoriented heart and redirect it towards God's, "new wine" forms in us;  wine that comes from the vine of Christ where harsh soul-tannins are smoothed and bitter soul-chemistry changes into robust flavor...and it happens as we immerse ourselves in his truth, love and grace.

Is God drawing your attention to broken personal habits or patterns of sin?

How do those patterns impact those around you?

How do they hinder your experience of His love and your ability to express it?



 

 

Soul-Flavors

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our [waiting] condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.- Rom 8
...A continuation from the previous blogs beginning with Burned Out...

Well, we are almost finished with the series about the inward soul journey - woo hoo!!  Just a few more entries :)  Here we go...

The other day I visited a winery and tasted a new wine being introduced.  The flavor was amazing!  The woman went on to explain how the wine had been aged for eighteen months in new oak barrels.  Once wine initially ferments it typically gets placed in barrels to age.   It is there that the wait begins. This pause in production allows the wine to be removed from all other influences besides the barrel itself, causing the flavors from the wood of the barrel to be infused into the wine. ...That was it! I could actually taste the flavor of new wood on the wine I was tasting.  It was fresh, dynamic and wonderfully unique. 

           But let's go back to the idea of barreling... In this stage of the soul journey, like wine in a sealed barrel, I felt somewhat removed from many surrounding influences.  As if I was in the story, but watching it from a distance. I wanted to break through into various conversations and social settings but just couldn’t.  It felt more fitting to connect in smaller, more intimate ways but even then, the sense of being "known and understood" was rare; as was my ability to be fully present with others. God had introduced a grand "wait" and it was a strange abyss - so quiet and still. I no longer wanted false-fires.  There was a growing courage to let my “should/sensational-self” pass away and I felt indifferent toward things I once clung to for meaning.  It’s weird when what used to drive you goes away, because then, for a while, nothing drives you. The juices and sediment that had come from the recent crushing were purged for now and my “soul- juices” had been “barreled” allowing for my heart and mind to abandon itself to God's movement in the process...maybe that was the benefit of losing my drive and feeling so removed from others.

Indifference allowed for the questioning of sacred things and the dance of ambiguity.  In it, God initially seemed distant and silent but along the edges of this holy space I bumped up against His presence.  Old ideas that had formed broken images in my heart and mind were rewritten as they encountered God’s truth and love. His life infused itself ever-so-slowly into mine, like flavors of oak being drawn from the edges of a barrel.  This wait was changing me.  It wasn't one bit passive! Instead fiercely active.  Sue Monk Kidd likened her journey to that of a caterpillar and butterfly in her book When the Heart Waits.  In it, she states, “A creature can separate from an old way of existence, enter a time of metamorphosis, and emerge to a new level of life."

In this story, God, the wine-maker became the barrel as well; much like a caterpillar’s cocoon.  As we sit in dark-stillness with Him, He actively infuses our unfinished soul with the rich oak flavors of His love, joy, and peace. Those are the ingredients that make us fresh, dynamic, and wonderfully unique!  They are the things that make us real.  It takes a significant amount of time for wine to become aged and reach desired flavors.  It takes a long time for “soul-wine” too, but like that barrel, God surrounds us - even when we don’t know it.  Sometimes the path seems pointless as it becomes profoundly dark and God feels a chasm away. Yet, just when we think the darkness is too much, that's when we turn around and find that indeed, it isn’t darkness at all! …Instead, God has come so incredibly near that His hovering has cast it's shadow over us.  We are lost not in darkness... but held in His presence, which will one day bring forth incredible light!

So wait....Actively, wait.  Let the questions come and ambiguity rise.  God will surround you…He will infuse you with rich flavors of himself as you sit in the shadow of his accompaniment and emerge into a new level of life, the real-Christ-life intended for you will be found with all it's fullness and joy.

"Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of—infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes."  Eph. 3:20

False-fires

This is a continuation of previous posts beginning with "Burned Out"

"So if you have been raised into union with Christ, look around, pay attention to where Christ is in charge. Set your mind on God's reality not on the things of the earth, for you've died to that stuff. And the life that you now have is hidden with Christ in God so that when he is revealed, then your real life, your true self will be revealed in the light of his glory." Col 3:1-3

 When God began the process of building a "new-wine"  way of life in me, the strain of my then present way of life felt all-the-more pronounced. Something was missing and wrong.  Where was the promised Joy of John 10:10? Why did it feel like I was forever circling around the same traps of unhealthy habits and conflict. "Victory in Jesus" seemed a pipe-dream.  In the discontentment, God was inviting me into a journey to discover what it meant to live freely and lightly with Christ and know His unforced rhythms of grace and abundant Joy (Matt 11:29-30).  Though, the path looked oddly different than those promises.  While I strained for God as crushing circumstances forced the unseen to the surface,  I simply didn't have it in me to "fake it" anymore.   In short order the false motivations behind my activity fell under fire.  If I was to learn how to desire Christ and companion with Him, then I had to ask a few questions... why I was doing what I was doing.  What was behind my choices and the activity that flowed from them?  

For a long time I couldn't identify what flowed directly from desire or joy, or my honest and true "self".  Much of what I did was a response to obligation, fear, or image management.  It was these “false-fires” that needed to be acknowledged.  False-fires occur when the activity we do feeds a false part of us.  The False part of us can be called the “should-self” or the “sensational-self”.  The “should-self” is who we believe we should be in relation to God and others but not who we really are.   So much of what I did had a corrupted or false driving component of “should” to it and flowed out of who I thought I should be or how I thought I should act.  The “sensational-self” is the self that makes decisions based on whether or not it will provide a sense of being special or sensational.  It's the part of me that wants to impress others.  Both feed a false sense of purpose.

           The truth is, our sense of purpose can only come from a transformed life in Christ but before that, our sense of being loved and special can only come as we encounter God in a deeply personal way-a way in which we hear from Him, "You are my beloved".  We love because God "first loved us".  Any other foundation is unstable and false.  It can and will ignite false-fires within us.  False-fires drive us in a way that is dangerously close to the real thing but they aren't sincere nor do they fully satisfy.  I longed for the "real-fire", "first-loved" life of Christ meant to burn uniquely within me, but how could I find it when all these other false-fires burned so brightly out of control? 

Hebrews 4:12-13 says this,

 “God's word is alive and working and is sharper than a double-edged sword. It cuts all the way into us, where the soul and the spirit are joined, to the center of our joints and bones. And it judges the thoughts and feelings in our hearts. Nothing in all the world can be hidden from God. Everything is clear and lies open before him, and to him we must explain the way we have lived.”

            Out of this passage flowed the prayer of my heart.  “God, show me why I do what I do.  Stop me if it's not initiated by you.  Give me the strength to let my ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and my ‘no’ be ‘no’.  Show me your fire, meant to burn uniquely within me.”  

Now normally I would be ending this entry about now but... I want to warn you that by praying the prayer above, fierce uprisings may occur.  God’s will encounters ours and often the two do not agree, but take heart! That battle of the wills is at least real!  God does not want our “should-self”. It isn't real - obligation has never coincided with honesty and love...its strange how we mix that up.  Nor does God need our "sensational-self". He already delights in us!  ...How can He love and transform us when what we bring to Him is a portrayal of what we should or want to be, but isn't really who we are?  God is fully aware of our imperfect real-self, and He's altogether elated to companion with that person.   It is our real-self that He calls "beloved".  That broken, messed up part of you that you don't like...He loves! That's who He accepts, and desires to make new.  It is only our real-self that has the capacity to receive his "new-wine" life.   It is only our real self that can truly desire Him. It is the unhindered, unadorned beloved child within us that holds the flint to be ignited with His fire, burning ever brighter with His joyfully redemptive story of life, purpose and hope.  Being honest helps us extinguish what is false and allows God to refine and rekindle the "real". 

So I must ask...What are some of the "false-fires" that burn within you?  How might God be inviting you to something different?

Here's a link to a song that I often return to when confronting "false-fires" within.  Maybe you would like it too :)  http://youtu.be/god9flc_xbk 

Pot-Stirring

Now God, don’t hold out on me,
    don’t hold back your passion.
Your love and truth
    are all that keeps me together.
When troubles ganged up on me,
    a mob of sins past counting,
I was so swamped by guilt
    I couldn’t see my way clear.
More guilt in my heart than hair on my head,
    so heavy the guilt that my heart gave out.

….Soften up, God, and intervene. 

Ps 40:12-13

A continuation of the previous posts beginning with "Burned out"

When grapes are crushed and the juices collected, the process of fermentation begins.  There are three important factors in fermentation: temperature, speed, and oxygen.  Other factors to consider are things like sugar, yeast, and stirring.  You may be thinking, “OK, so what does this have to do with soul formation?”  Well, it struck me how metaphoric this is to our own journey.

One thing about heat and speed, they strain and disrupt things!  Heat has a way of bringing things to a boil sometimes and It can be tempting to hop out of a “boiling pot”  of circumstances.  However, wine ferments into something good as wine makers consider the speed and temperature of fermentation. Staying in the process and letting it happen, becomes of utmost importance.  Staying in the formation process is of utmost importance too...buts its hard! As I stayed in the heart space of transformation, often I wanted to hurry it along.  Yet God kept reminding me of the song “Still” (previously posted).  The words have become my breath prayer…”Father you are King over the earth. I will be still and know you are God”.   I was learning to trust the “Wine maker”.

About this time I was preparing to speak to a group of women.  I remember thinking, “Lord, what in the world do I have to offer?  I have no business representing you right now!”  The speaking topic was "Jesus as the High Priest" during my research, I was reminded of the tabernacle and how the altar of sacrifice was set up – with horns on each corner.  The details had seemed incidental until then, but that morning, as I sat with God in preparation, those horns were all I could see.  My heart cried, “OH thank God for those horns!  No wonder they are there!  If it were not for those corners anchoring me down right now, I would hop off this place of sacrifice and be all the more glad!”...but not really.  I had reached a place where I could no longer enjoy the old wineskins that I once inhabited.  In fact nothing felt comfortable at the moment.  I couldn't go back and I did not see well enough to go forward; staying put seemed my only option.  Jesus, now the Great High Priest, stayed put too.  He never backed away from the cross.  He stayed through horrific circumstances and mockery.  HE. STAYED.  And because he stayed, his life is now available to us. The Sacrificial Lamb, was becoming my strength…in a weird way, “staying” was the only witness or testimony I had and that was just fine. 

However, circumstances were evoking reactions in me much like yeast interacts with sugars in the grape juice as it ferments.  Sin in me encountered sin in others and we crashed! Like little whirlwinds, it created stirs everywhere.  As the energy rose from the disruptions, my "fermentation" continued with involuntary response. As I worked to address my heart-the place from which these broken responses came-God began to change me.  This always takes longer than desired.  God has a much different timetable than we do and for good reason. 

 Sometimes wine makers try and speed up the process of fermentation by adding sugar to the wine. I wanted to add “sugars” to this soul-process too.  Things like blame sounded attractive because it would take the pressure off me and allow me to deflect the issue onto someone else.  At times I wanted to add a little “sugar coating” to what I saw in myself by giving it a nice spin of excuses or explanations.  The problem is that when sugar is added to fermentation it actually ends up slowing down the process because it can suspend what is already naturally occurring, then,  when the wine is poured and tasted, the flavors are "off".  When we choose to deflect or excuse our condition we slow down and suspend God’s formative work in us causing our "soul flavors" to be off ...perhaps becoming a little sour or bitter.  Staying in it and allowing the process to take place at the right temp and speed would allow for balanced soul-flavors - flavors that offer charitable compassion towards our self and others.   That's when we can "Taste and see that the Lord is good!"

So I began to name and own what was real.  It was hard and still is, but shackles fell as I did it.  I was not yet free but something was loosening up and as I encountered God's grace, the air didn't seem so thick around me.  Living with honesty became the oxygen that I needed to stay in the process…and I was beginning to wonder if this place on the altar was right and good after all….maybe.