Burned out...

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matthew 11:28-30

Have you ever felt tired, worn out, or burned out on religion? Well I sure have! But to be honest, being burned out on religion was hard to identify.  There was a burning sense that something about the Christian life ought to be more than I was experiencing but I couldn't quite put my finger on it?  Since burn out typically comes on the heels of excessive "doing",  to find any answers I had to slow down a bit to give my soul some space! This meant saying “No” sometimes, and that was hard.  All kinds of things came up in me when I said” no” like, “What will others think if I say no?  Will I be judged, dismissed or left out of the loop?”  I found that in saying yes to so many things, it said something about my core belief system.  I would like to say this was a “secondary belief system” but it had far too much power over me to be secondary.  No, it was definitely primary and often trumped my belief that God was good, that He loved me, and that placing a love and trust in him above all else is how I am called to live and where real life and safety is found.

One striking reality that all of us must take into account is that when we say, “yes” to one thing, we automatically say, “no” to something else.  My busy “yeses” took up hours of my time, leaving little time to connect with God on a deeper level.  I don’t mean to imply that they were bad activities; but the hard truth is, I was saying yes to them because I believed that somewhere, somehow life would be found there (or I would not have said yes in the first place).   Saying “yes” gave me power to control something and in this case I wanted to control uncharitable judgments from others. Keeping those judgments at bay would prevent me from being evaluated and possibly dismissed by them, staying active in managing that, kept me from addressing my core fear which was that I would one day be abandoned by “this cruel world” and left hung out to dry.  In a very real sense, it was that core fear that drove me more than anything else.  As such, it became the ”executor”, so-to-speak, of my primary belief system which informed my responses and decisions.

THIS core belief of abandonment needed to be acknowledged and brought into the presence of God through prayer. Because it was the “executor”, it had lordship over me.  It was the thing seated on the throne of my heart.  However, it would do me no good just to confess it.  I needed to really stay with God in it, in a conversational way He and I needed to talk about it.  “I’m sorry God, I don’t know why I do this.  I really want to be in a different place.  Why is it so hard to believe in YOU?  Why is it so hard to DESIRE you? And why is this THING taking up your seat in the house!?”

So my honest, gut level answer to Jesus' “blind beggar” question to me, "Michelle, do you really want this?" was, “No. I don’t want "this"-what I have now.  It’s pointless.  Do you have anything better to offer?”  And He said, “Yes”….

More next time…

What Do You Really Want?

“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’” - John 5:6

This is a follow up from yesterday’s post “Grace, Grace, and more Grace!” A while back (I have permission to share this :)) I was meeting with a woman who was trying to make some changes in her marriage.  We had a habit of getting together regularly to check in on the progress of things. We talked about our previous conversations and she’d update me by evaluating her behavior or attitude and why it may or may not have measured up to the expected progress.   I sensed a lot of guilt and shame as we discussed things and she was growing no closer to her husband. In fact, the only thing growing was frustration and bitterness!  We had to be missing something...but what?  The more I listened the more it became clear that we had skipped a primary step.  As she paused, I asked her one simple question, “What do you really want?” 

“What do you mean?” she inquired, somewhat caught off-guard by the question.

“What do you want?” I repeated.  “Do you want to be in this relationship?”

The question was not intended to put pressure on her. I just don’t think we had stopped to consider her desire and my hope was to give her heart space to honestly show up.  We needed to return to “square one” and her honest, gut-level answer was of utmost importance, but honesty can be hard sometimes.  She answered by saying, “It doesn't matter what I want. That’s not the point.  He’s my husband and we need to make this work?”

While I appreciate her commitment to her marriage, she had gotten so caught up in the “doing” that she lost sight of just being with her husband.  So I responded by saying, “Unless you want it, I don’t think it WILL work; because much of what you do depends on the treasure of wanting this.  If you don’t, then the only thing driving you will be obligation, guilt and shame.  That’s not enough to keep you in this.  At some point those driving forces will run out and you will be done.  You will quit, or you will shut down and numb out.  Neither of which honor you, your husband or your relationship very well.”

Her struggle was not about doing the right thing or the wrong, her struggle was one of desire. How was she to begin desiring again?

As blunt as this sounds, it is also morbidly true in regard to our relationship with God. 

There are times when I have felt like that woman.  Much of what drove me in a relationship with God was a sense of obligation to do the right things, guilt if I didn’t, or a sense of shame because I didn’t really want to.   Like this woman, it didn't matter what I wanted, that wasn't the point, He was my God and I needed to make this work... I had gotten so caught up in the “doing” I lost sight of being with God.  Being with Him is what made it so fresh in the first place!  I needed to go back to square one.  I needed to learn how to desire again.

How many of you reading this feel the same way?  Don’t kid yourself, be honest –it’s of utmost importance.   Many of us have found ourselves sitting in a pew on Sunday morning and we have no idea why.  Somewhere along the line we conceded to the idea that this was the right thing to do so we did it.   We joined the crazy rat-race of a church-going evangelical Christian; but are you different?  Is it any better than the life you left? Are you growing any closer to God? Somewhere, the treasure (Knowing Christ) got lost in the “service” and the service became the “treasure”.  For years I simply "did" church and forgot to even ask the question that Jesus asked the blind Beggar, “Do you want this?”

But there is hope!  Jesus gives a picture of it in Matthew 11. I believe this is the “square one” many of us are looking for. 

“Are you tired, worn out? Burned out on religion?  Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.  I’ll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it.  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  Keep company with me and you will learn to live freely and lightly.” – Matt 11:28-30

If this has resonated with you, then go to Jesus!  Get away with Him.  Seek him out through His word and through others.  His hope is that we give our heart space to show up with Him  - with gut-level honesty.  Just like the blind beggar, He is asking you, "What is it that you really want?"

More on the journey into desire next time....

Grace, Grace and More Grace!!

“A faithful Christian burns grace like a 747 burns fuel.”-Dallas Willard

Rom 5:15-17; 6:11-14; 12.

I need grace!  I need it for more than I often realize.  Sure I need grace for forgiveness, but I need it all the more to live the kind of life I've I'm called to live.  If grace was just about forgiveness it would be “half” grace. Kind of like, "OK you're forgiven, now go do better and try harder."   The robust grace that is ours through Christ also involves the on-going availability of "Holy-Spirit help" as we seek to follow Christ and live out his teachings in the nitty-gritty places of our life.  We simply cannot have one piece of grace without the other.  One provides absolution, the other strength and fortitude.  I Love these passages in Romans because they reflect the robust grace given to us by God and the way in which we're called to utilize it.

I have spent a fair amount of time as a pastor’s wife meeting with married couples who are in crisis.  Often one spouse (or both) have been unfaithful or there’s a pattern of being unloving toward the other.  It is not difficult for them to recognize the need to ask forgiveness.  That is not the issue.  The real issue comes when the behavior continues.  They may reignite an affair, keep raging out at home, lie about a shopping spree, or withdraw to the TV or internet in lieu of spending time together.  To change a pattern of behavior takes concerted effort and often it is the lack of effort that keeps us from realizing the treasure and joy of being in a loving, ongoing, open relationship with our spouse.   Living with, loving, and being loved back by our spouse is a powerful reconciliation.

When destructive patterns keep coming up, questions arise and we being to wonder if grace will run out? Another question that comes up is the reciprocal, "Can I really keep doing this?"  Perhaps we ask the wrong questions because if we really want something, easy or not, our efforts tend to move us in that direction naturally.   Maybe the real question to ask is, “What do you really want? Do you really want to be in this marriage?”  That needs to be answered before any further movement for reconciliation can be accomplished.  So why am I talking about this?

Our relationship with God is like a marriage.  God is forever faithful but we can be so painfully unfaithful!  Our reconciliation involves more than forgiveness.  We also need His grace to stay in it! When we continue to seek grace for forgiveness yet disregard the grace needed to live out our new life in Christ, the question is not “Will His grace will run out or will He tire of us and walk away?  Nor is it, “Will I lose my salvation status with Him?”  The question we must ask is this, “Is it God that I really want?  Do I really want to be in a relationship with Him?”  If it is, then I will use as much grace as possible to stay connected to Him.  My efforts will move in that direction and I will use up Holy-Spirit “fuel” to live the life to which I have been called through Christ. That is the treasure and joy of being in a loving, ongoing, open relationship with God and it shows up in the nitty-gritty!  As Christ infuses me with His grace (strength and fortitude),  the ongoing reconciliation of my surrendered-self discovers the joy of being in relationship with him and He becomes what I really want.

So here's a few questions:  

Are you caught in frustrating habits?
Is it God that you really want? 
If it is, how will you utilize His grace today?

Welcoming the Enthroned

The following is a continuation of yesterday's blog on "festooning"

  

The Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father, that art in heavens, hallowed be Your name. Thy kingdom come; be Thy will done in earth, as it is in heaven …

(Matt 6:9-10 - Wycliffe Bible)

Hallowed be Your name:

You are holy.  Your name tells me who you are.  Because you are identified as the One True God who is over all time and space; and because your non-oppressive kingdom is so good,  I want to consecrate my life to you and your purposes.

Your kingdom come; 

Your effective reign and rule is welcome here.  

Be thy will done in earth:
Let it be known and released inside my heart, mind, and soul.  May I be a conduit of what is right, true, and good in your kingdom to those I encounter.

As it is in Heaven:

You sit enthroned in the heavenly place.  The fellowship of your presence allows me to approach your throne boldly and with confidence,  where Christ, who is my redemption, is seated at your right hand. It is with your scepter of goodness, righteousness, and truth that you reign as High King over all.

Lord, I believe you are good; but honestly, sometimes I don't want your will.  I want mine. Yet, my will is broken and your's is accomplished as I work your word into my life.  That's where the grit of circumstances and obedience smooth out the sharp jagged "will-spots" in me and I finally yield.  With each step of surrender, Your unforced rhythms of grace are discovered. What I thought would be sorrow, becomes my joy.

"Festooning"

Blessed is the man… whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night.  That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,...” Psalm 1:2-3a


The following is not an official commentary on the various phrases of The Lord's Prayer...just what came up as I was meditating on Matt 6:9-10...Just for fun, consider the word definition below.  What comes to mind as you ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and "festoon" on a passage of His Word?

Festooning:

verb

[with object] (often be festooned with)

·  adorn (a place) with ribbons, garlands, or other decorations: the room was festooned with balloons and streamers

The Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father, that art in heavens,…

(Matt 6:9 - Wycliffe Bible)

Our Father:

overseer, protector, provider, and loving Father to all who live as your child, head of the collective heart of my "spiritual siblings" and me. 

That art in Heavens:

Because you are omnipotent, you are the one who is in the atmosphere as the air that I breathe.  You accompany the blanketing presence of the wind.  You are between the spaces of the finite.  You touch and penetrate the skin of my soul.  You inhabit all good things.

...You are my dad, and as such, you care that I get along with my siblings.  Oh God! Help me live like a child in your household - in this place called the heavens where   You are everywhere, Lord. You are here next to me, right now.  You don't miss a thing! When I am in a "spot", you are there to provide and protect. When I have a squabble with a brother or sister you are there to shepherd and restore us. Nothing escapes you, not for a minute.  When isolation feels all too real, you are my date to the dance.  Your love is overwhelming... and your goodness?...I can hardly take it in!

To be continued…

"Festooned" comments are encouraged! Please leave a comment if God brings something to your mind. We can all benefit from it :)!

"Sweethearts"

"My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely."– Song of songs 2:14

                So the other day I was at the hair salon getting my hair done when a  woman came in with her husband.  Looking a bit disheveled, it did not take long to realize that she had Alzheimer’s and had also lost her eyesight.  Because of that, she and her husband no longer live together as she now needs convalescent care.  She spends her days in a wheelchair and he spends his days by her side. 

            Once a week he brings her to the hair salon so that he can “pamper his beautiful sweetheart.”  I watched him gently and cheerfully pick her up from the wheelchair.  As he lifted her to her feet, helping her make the transition to the styling chair,  I couldn't help but notice the exchange of delight between them.  He quipped that she was having a good day singing “zip-a-dee doo dah” on the ride over.  He let her know there were others in the room and asked her to sing the song for them (us).  So she did.  It was the sweetest, off-tune little melody I have ever heard.  She would forget a word or two but he would be right there to help her remember.  When she finished, the room clapped and she chuckled…as it quieted, her husband said, “That's my sweetheart isn't she wonderful!”  We agreed.  There was something about his delight over her that made her more beautiful.   A while later she piped up, but forgetting  she was married or that her husband was there, she said, “I used to have a sweetheart.”  Her husband, un-wavered by the comment, leaned in close, “You still do honey, and you’re still my sweetheart” he kindly spoke.  Then he gave her a little smooch on the forehead.  As they were leaving his stance was proud, joyful and tall, "Always and forever! I am hers and she is mine and its been that way for 62 years." he said as they left.  We shared his joy with a collective grin.

            I marveled at this divine display of love set before us – the women who are sitting at the mirrors,  hoping to cover up the gray, smooth out the wrinkles and resist the "imperfection" of life's journey.  That’s when God spoke.  By society’s standards, this woman, once young and “beautiful” has nothing left to give her husband except herself, just as she is.  Her strength is failing, her eyesight is long gone and her mind is rarely lucid enough to sense his presence or recall his love.  But he loves her; in fact he cherishes her.  He delights in her beauty and relishes her song and that's all that matters.

God loves us in the same way.  He cherishes us. He steadies our step and He whispers the words of His heart-song into our ears.  Truth be told,  I am that woman.  I have nothing to offer God but me, just as I am -disheveled, unsteady, confused and blind.  But God sits close.  He leans in to remind me that we are still "sweethearts" -– Always and forever.  He delights in His created beauty and relishes in her song because she is and always will be.... His.   

Below is a link to a video about God’s deep love for you and me…It's POWERFUL!...enjoy J

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQi_IDV2bgM

Labeling

Have you ever mislabeled something?  Boy I have!  Once, I was leaving to take a few things to the thrift store when I noticed that one of the bags did not feel quite right.  Upon looking inside I found a bag of leaves meant for the green –garbage that was picked up the day before. I had mixed up the bags!  If only I had checked before I labeled them!  Now a bag of clothes meant for the thrift store sits wasted in a refuse pile across town.   I am struck by the power of labeling.  I made an assumption about the contents of the bag based on the label I had given it.  The problem is that the label was wrong and it caused me to hold on to the wrong thing and throw out what was good.   So what am I getting at, you ask?

“But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, 'Raca,' is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." Matt 5:22

            Jesus warns the religious people not to call their brother a fool or say to them “raca” because it labels them.  When someone is labeled a fool it gives others permission to dismiss him as such, without regard to his intrinsic worth.  The term “raca” literally implies spitting with disgust.  To say “raca” is to show deep contempt.  Neither scenario is acceptable before God because of the attitude within the heart.  But here’s the kicker!  In Matt 12 (see link at bottom) Jesus goes on to say that all sin shall be forgiven, except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit.  When I was younger I used to worry that someday I would somehow “blaspheme the Holy Spirit” ending up in hell when I died.  The verse always bothered me and I made a few attempts to explain it to myself but nothing seemed quite right until I considered the whole context of Jesus' message. I had not considered the context of Jesus’ words until recently.  Jesus was not saying that for the most part God will forgive you, but if you happen to commit this one “unforgivable sin”, then it stinks to be you - there’s no grace for that one – bummer!  Honestly, it sounds ridiculous when put that way, but it’s what I believed and I imagine some of you have too. So let’s look at the context. 

Jesus is dealing with religious opposition coming His way.  He was saying that as soon as you label something that is intrinsically right, true and good, as “bad”, you prevent yourself from ever receiving the benefit of its truth, righteousness and goodness.  It was a warning to the Pharisees and religious leaders about labeling the movement of God among them.  

If they labeled Jesus as bad they could not receive His good because anything He said or did would become suspect to them due to the label they had placed upon Him - much like the way I mislabeled the bags in our garage.  Only in this case it was a label of dismissal and contempt that called Christ and what He did as "of the devil".   It caused them to reject His message altogether.   Then, of course it would stand to reason that they would be in danger of “eternal damnation”; but not because God, in offence, decided to hoist them off into a fiery pit.  It was because they postured themselves against the good news of Jesus.  Included in that good news was the promise of the Holy Spirit to all who chose to follow and embrace Christ as Messiah.  John 14:25-26 says, “All this I have spoken while still with you, but the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you.”  How can the Holy Spirit teach one who is unwilling to trust His instruction?  But then again, the Holy Spirit would not be theirs in the first place because they had rejected the vessel through which it came – Christ. 

            Something happens when we label.  Assumptions get made and opinions and meaning get rooted.  Sometimes something is labeled poorly or without regard.   I threw out what was good and accidentally saved what was bad because I mislabeled it. The pharisees did the same; only with much higher consequences.

            How do we mislabel things?  I see it happen in the church all the time.  We hear a term and make an assumption around its meaning then throw out the good that can be received from the teaching because we misunderstand it.  We see someone associated with another and uncharitably label either of them and miss out on the potential of shared community in Christ (and we wonder why we feel isolated at times.)  Sometimes we label something as "bad" because it makes us feel uncomfortable even though we're not sure why.  I wonder what I would have done, given all the same ingredients that the Pharisees had.  Would I have labeled Jesus in the same manner as they?  His words were so disruptive and often broke the cultural and religious rules.  How would I have responded to the movement of God they were encountering?  What are the disruptions that I label as “bad” now? Is it possible that the cultural and religious rules that have become sacred to me are actually blinding me to the gift of Jesus himself?

These are my thoughts and I’d love to hear yours J  

Here's the link to the passage mentioned

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+12%3A22-37&version=NIV

Lord, open my eyes to your kingdom work in and around me - I want to follow you.  May I hold nothing sacred that would prevent me from fully acknowledging and following you. - Amen.

God-Breathed

“All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

 1 Tim 3:16-17

 “The reason we read scripture is not so that we master IT but that in reading it, we encounter the God of scripture and He masters us.  If we seek to master scripture, we will end up like the Pharisee, if we allow the God of scripture to master us we will become more and more like Christ.”  

My husband, has stated this more than once from the pulpit on a Sunday morning.  I often notice the collective agreement of the congregation through their nods.  I am one of those who nods and resonates with the truth of that statement. Yet today I sit challenged by its reality. 
To have the God of scripture master us through His word is a remarkable and disruptive journey!    What happens when I have to respond like Christ in the face of sharp criticism?  Will I choose to be like Christ and stand quietly when it’s appropriate, or will i get defensive and criticize back?    What happens when I encounter a scripture that says love even my enemies?  Will I do it or will put a "polite" smile on my face while harboring revenge or judgment?  What happens when I need to put my “hand to the plow” and not look back as God calls me forward into deeper obedience and life in Him?  Will I hang on to the past and ruminate on unrealized dreams?  Will I stay stuck in relationships that continue to hold me back from full abandon to Him?  or will I take the steps needed to plow forward? These are the disruptions that come up when the God of scripture seeks to master me.  These are cross-road moments and I will choose the easy road unless I am seeking the God of scripture and desiring to yield to His work in me.

I suppose in most cases it’s not hard to agree with scripture-that's the easy road, but unless I take what it says and act on it.  Unless I actually incorporate it into my life, what scripture says will be no more than a set of good ideas that I may or may not choose to follow. 

Indeed, scripture is more than good ideas and the God of scripture is fully present and accessible as we read the pages of His story.  When we seek to encounter Him as we read, He shows up.  He speaks to appropriate places in us that need His work and he calls us to more fully yield to Him.  While yielding can be very difficult and often involves grieving and letting go, it also produces a harvest of righteousness that yields its fruit in due season and it brings a levity to life that reflects God's love and grace to those we encounter.  That my friends, is “Gospelly-good!”

So…how’s the scripture reading going for you?  
Where do you find yourself challenged to be more like Christ?

James 1:23
Psalm 139:23-24

Lord, once again search me and “read me” as I read your word and encounter you.

Spiritual Formation: Hidden in God with Christ

“For you died, and your life is now hidden in God with Christ." Col 3:3

This is the 4th of a 4-blog entry "series"
 

Finishing up the garage was hard because so much had to go.  Some of those things were things that I treasured; others were things I did not want to admit were there. But now my car can reside in the garage and in the winter when it rains, I have a shelter to enter before going out into the storm.  Cleaning out the garage of my heart is even harder!  It is a "death" for sure!  But God is increasingly taking up residence in me.

 In His amazing grace, He allowed me to see his vision for that heart-place-residence, and it started with a picture of baptism.  It was really just a sweet place of prayer between myself and the Trinity.  It went like this... As I stood with the Trinity, different versions of me appeared on the scene, my cynical sixteen-year-old self, my newly married twenty-three-year-old self, and my present self.  We were together as six members in a circle joined hand in hand when God motioned for all of us to descend as if the space we were in had become a baptismal.  We went under and back up – and in that simple mental image God spoke something profound.

 “For you died, and your life is now hidden in God with Christ…You have been crucified with Christ and you no longer live, but Christ lives in you. The life you now live in the body you live by faith in the son of God, who loved you and gave himself up for you.” (Col 3:3, Gal 2:20)

So what died?

1.      My demand over the vision I hold for my marriage.

2.      My past commitment to being right and making sure things are correct.

3.      My preoccupation with trying to change the ones I love. I make a terrible holy spirit, by-the-way.

4.      My habitual commitment to hold on to offences.  Frankly, I was collecting them like a sea-rock collects barnacles! It was time to stop ruminating on my anger.

5.    and ...  My compulsive habit of defending myself when criticized or misunderstood.

I’m sure there’s more but that would make this blog way too long.  Suffice it to say that in the letting go, God showed up “and I stood there saved, surprised to be loved.” (2 Sam 22:15)

There is a surprising shelter that comes from being hidden in God with Christ.  It affords integrity and covering in the storm – a storm in which I am compelled to enter as one would set out to drive in the rain, seeking the promise of the sun on the other side.

"I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."  - Psalm 61:4

A Surprise Discovery!

“Search me, Oh God, and know my heart:  test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Ps 139:23-24 (NIV)

This post is in conjunction with the previous posts beginning with "Making Room"

Hey all,  (Remember, we are talking about cleaning out the garage.)  So to continue on in this story,  once we opened up our garage to clean it we  had to determine what could stay and what needed to go.  I was surprised to find a bag of garbage sitting in the corner taking up space.  Would you ever store garbage in your garage?  I know it was never my intention, that's for sure!  It can get very hot in the summer where we live. Heat and garbage do not mix well!  If it is stored in my garage it would stink up the whole house! That's why it had to go!  That's when it dawned on me that I can often store garbage in my heart.  It comes in the form of harbored offences, contempt, or unresolved hurt and pain.  This is the toxic garbage in the heart that begins to stink!   It’s tempting when we sense heart-garbage coming up to brush past it or find some air freshener. However, If left addressed it becomes offensive and repels others away as we speak and act from our toxic heart.  It can and will bring harm to others.  It will do no good to simply rush by the smell or try to cover it up..  The smell (what comes out of us as we speak and act)  is the symptom and the symptom has a source (broken, hurting, toxic heart) and the source has hope!

 You see, when things get heated and I have a strong negative response to a situation, there's a good chance the winds have changed and the garbage in my heart is getting noticed.  What happens when I encounter something offensive? It might surprise me to feel seething anger rising suddenly.  I might catch myself being edgy towards others,  or want to pick up the phone to chat up the "offence" with my friends, family or colleagues.  I may even use pretty words or put a "spiritual" spin to it so I can hide the stink of my own heart.   However, if I resist those protective yet harmful responses and choose to engage my heart instead, something happens.  Something real and legitimate. When I can acknowledge that my heart is hurt or disrupted and I want to soothe it, then I can consider what it really needs.  

That's why it would be good to pause and take note of my response and consider what may be causing it.  Then ask God for his wisdom and truth about the situation and about me.  What are the offensive ways in me that need to be addressed?  What is the hurt that needs his love?  This helps me to no longer brush by the garbage, denying its existence and pretending it does not stink.  The fact is, it does and while I may have become accustom to it, others have not!  I'm relieved that God loves even the sinner because that's me.  He longs to come along side and restore me with His love.  When the garbage in my heart is cleared out God has more room to take up residence.  My words and actions become an outflow of His presence within.  This is what it means for His “kingdom on earth as it is in heaven” to move through us. – What a JOY!  

Lord, quicken my mind to see the garbage that infects my heart.  I don’t want it to be there anymore.  Help me not rush past it but to find the source and let you in.  Please love and heal the broken, toxic places in me and lead me to the way everlasting.

Opening the Door

“If any one of you is in trouble he should pray…a prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well.  The Lord will raise him up.  If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. “ - James 5:13, 15-16

This post is a follow-up from the previous post called "Making Room."

The other day I came home and my husband said he wanted to get started cleaning the garage.   So he opened the garage door to the street!   Oh how I wanted to manage that better!  “Can’t we clean the garage without opening the door to the street?”  I asked.  “Here I’ll turn on the light.” I suggested.  Why did we have to open the door to the neighbors?  It's so embarrassing!   Here's why, because for order to occur in the garage, what was making it disorderly had to first come out. 

The truth is, if we really want to clean the garage of our heart, then we have to be willing to open the door and let those who have appropriately close relationships with us, access to our “mess” to help sort it out.    It cannot happen otherwise.  Real transformation requires the dirt of my heart being exposed to another, allowing confession and healing to occur. 

On occasion, someone is in our home, comfortably sitting in our family room, when we happen to open the garage door to the house and bring out something we can share with them, like dessert from the freezer or a cool new toy that may interested them.  Sometimes it takes me a while to find what I’m looking for because, of course, it’s hard to get pass the mess, so they offer to come in and help.  My heart pounds, my blood thins, “NO!  I got it!” is my panicked response.  You see, when we start to expose a part of our heart in front of someone, often the reaction can be similar, like, “YIKES!  I did not expect that; don't mind me, I'm fine.” And we want to cover it all up and shut the door to conversation just as quickly as it crept in.  Yet, this heart exposure is the most honest and real way for us to be together in that setting.   This is true fellowship.   This is our “real-self” instead of our “should-self” showing up to the conversation and it invites God’s spirit along with a loving community to be ministers of the gospel to us.  They are helping us clean our garage.  When we open the door to that type of honest confession we open the door of our heart to Christ and it is through Him that we are healed.

To be continued…

Lord, help me set aside my fear and pride so that you can make me clean.  I confess my tendency to hide.  Please help me live openly and honestly before You and others That I might know the light of your love.